Underfell Sans X Reader - Married to an Edgy Skeleton
by RosieSampaguita
Summary: You are being wed to a skeleton named Sans Gaster, a member of the Royal Guard in the monster kingdom in an attempt to create a truce between monster-kind and human-kind. The catch? You both gave each other less-than-impressive first impressions and now must learn to not murder each other….which may or may not end up with you two falling in love…..
1. Chapter 1 - Wedding Bells and Fears

_Note: This is set in a universe like Princess Diaries. Also, I will try to keep this series as K as possible, but somethings may be T-rated for safety, and I will label them as such_

To say you were against this idea would be putting it mildly. You were _absolutely, 10,000% against this idea_. And yet you were going along with it. Why? Well, for starters, your king had ordered you to. You could've refused him, but you'd probably end up starting a rebellion against him, and that would lead to way more politics than was necessary.

What exactly _was_ this idea you were so against? Being married off to a complete stranger. And not just _any_ stranger! Oh, no. This stranger was a monster. No, not a proverbial way of saying someone is cruel and heartless, an _actual monster_.

One of the maids helping you get ready that morning had mentioned his name was Sans Gaster, one of the Royal Guardsmen of the Monster Kingdom. Aside from his name, however, you knew absolutely nothing _about_ him, but rumors which had spread around the kingdom about monsters made you…apprehensive about meeting him, to say the least.

Almost as soon as monsters had been released from Mt. Ebott, they had been wreaking havoc around the smaller villages, stealing territory from the king and just terrorizing any humans that came near them.

You knew of one human who had - _somehow_ \- gained the monster's trust enough to become their ambassador, Frisk, you thought the name was. In fact, come to think of it, Frisk was probably the one who had proposed this idea to the king in the first place.

You didn't know the specifics of it, but it sounded as if this marriage would be a way to attempt peace with the monsters and integrate them into the small yet successful kingdom of Makiisa. Said attempt was probably going to go up in smoke though. Despite being the princess' right hand while she lived in this kingdom, you were the exact opposite of her.

You like staying indoors, reading books, watching TV, eating, surfing the internet, just generally doing things that didn't require much effort but you still enjoyed. Not to mention you had terrible people skills when interacting with another person. It wasn't that you _couldn't_ make friends with people, it just made you nervous to come out of your shell long enough to make friends.

Although…with this marriage being enforced, you mused that the "making friends" part had been done for you, all you had to do was make sure the friendship part stayed intact. But still…

You tore yourself out of your thoughts long enough to get a good look at you in your …...wedding gown. Your stomach twisted into a giant knot, it suddenly hit you that you were being wed. Suddenly, the thought of being married to a _stranger_ wasn't as scary as the thought of being _married_.

You looked at yourself, shifting around a bit so you could see the dress a bit more, admiring how the fabric draped around you. Wasn't exactly what you'd call your ideal gown, but then again, this wasn't an ideal moment for you either.

The dress itself was modest, having minimal patterned stitches and pearls on the bottom half of the gown and the sleeves, but it was on the heavy side. Suddenly the thought of _you_ in a _wedding dress_ made you queasy.

You had always thought you'd see yourself in a wedding dress getting married to the love of your life, not for a political treaty….You weren't normally one for fantasizing on romance (unless it was with fictional character but that's not the point here), so being flung into a situation which was _normally_ for people who'd fallen in love was a bit… _jarring_ to say the least…

A cough coming from the doorway grabbed your attention and you turned to see the king of Makiisa at the entryway, Alvero Renaldi, holding his arm out for you. "It is time, my dear." He said solemnly.

You felt your blood turn cold, but you kept a neutral face and nodded, heading over to the king and bowing slightly in greeting. The king offered you a weary smile, placed your veil on, and escorted you to the palace courtyard where the ceremony was being held.

Your breathing was shallow and you were sure your face paled with every step. Oh geez, what if you messed this up? What if you suddenly said something to offend him that would trigger another war? Could you even say something bad enough to start a war?...Well, maybe you could if you were sleep and food deprived enough…

But that thought wasn't very helpful.

The king noticed your sudden influx of nerves and patted your hand softly. "Deep breaths," He said "Don't overthink anything, just…" He looked as if he wanted to say 'Just be yourself and everything will be fine' but he instead chose to say "Just be calm, and try not to worry so much."

You forced a smile -the veil didn't do much to cover your face- and nodded "Thank you, your majesty." _Thanks for shoving me in the middle of a potential crisis_ you thought in your head. You mentally smacked yourself. Now was _not_ the time to be mentally sassing everyone off. The king smiled forcefully at you again and halted behind a pillar that marked the entry way to the courtyard.

You saw him nod to one of the ushers and the usher in turn nodded to -you were guessing- the pianist. Your guess was confirmed correct because as soon as the nod-signals were complete, "Here Comes the Bride" began playing, and the courtyard doors swung open.

You were temporarily blinded by sunlight, and a nervous smile immediately plastered itself on your face. But once your eyes adjusted, and you could see who was in the courtyard, you felt your fight or flight instincts kick in.

There were _hundreds_ of people watching! Not just humans! But it looked like the _entire_ monster kingdom had showed up too! You felt your stomach hit the floor when your gaze went slightly upwards and saw a video camera being used on one of the upper balconies. Great, not only was every eye in the kingdom watching you but now you knew this moment would be recorded forever….

You began internally screaming.

To the right was apparently the designated seating areas for humans and to the left was for monsters. _Way to go, guys._ You thought sourly _Nothing says 'unity' at a wedding like splitting the courtyard in half_. The courtyard was modestly decorated, balloons, banners, some streamers placed on the balconies and pillars.

Some decorations contained the Makiisa kingdom seal, the monster kingdom seal, both, or no pattern at all. For a wedding, there was an awful lot of red, but you guessed it was the monsters' idea.

As you walked down the aisle, a smile that was more of a nervous reflex than a genuine one froze to your face. Suddenly digging through your memories of how girls at weddings acted, you began moving your head around, trying to look as if you were smiling at everyone. Surprisingly enough, it was…easier to look at the monster than the humans…

Possibly because you had never seen monsters (aside from the news and artist renditions), but also because they were all so _different_! You saw…frogs? Fly looking-thingies, a flying fish thing, a….ghost!? Your gaze lingered a bit longer on this one from pure curiosity.

Although, it seemed as if Mr. Ghost noticed your staring because he sent a piercing glare at you. You responded with changing your nervous smile into an apologetic one for a moment before it regained its nervousness and you went back to gazing equally at humans and monsters.

You refused to look at the alter.

It wasn't that you didn't want to see who exactly it was you were marrying, you were in fact _very_ curious, but the butterflies in your stomach convinced your brain that you wouldn't be as nervous if you didn't look at him.

Unfortunately, that plan didn't last long.

At about halfway through the walk, your vision seemed to focus on _him_. You felt as if all the oxygen in your lungs had been punched out, and the nerves that made you smile suddenly extended into an embarrassed blush. The king squeezed your hand. "Breathe." He prompted.

You shook your head to center yourself and took a shaky breath before nodding at the king, silently thanking him, before trying to return to attempting to work the crowd.

Three seconds after you told yourself to focus on the crowd and not…your soon-to-be-husband, you looked at your soon-to-be-husband.

There were several things that ran through your head the first as you gazed at him while walking up to him, but the most prominent being that he was in fact…that Sans Gaster of the monster kingdom, was a _skeleton_.

You had no idea why the concept of a skeleton monster knocked your ability to think offline, but it did. Literally the _only_ thing you could think of was that he was a skeleton. How'd he eat without organs? Did he wash himself using toothpaste or regular soap? Did…..did he even _need_ to wash or eat?

Did he get cold easily? Just _…_ _?!_

Before your million-dollar questionnaire could continue, you had reached the alter, and the earlier fight or flight instinct kicked in. You suddenly understood why people got cold feet at weddings.

As the king released your arm, you tried to offer a genuine smile at your groom, trying to ease a little tension.

Maybe he was just as nervous as you, maybe he was also fighting an urge to run from the courtyard and not look back. Maybe…he was just as reluctant as you were and the boney grin ( _how_ does he grin without lips!?) was just a nervous reaction too.

Or not.

As soon as your king released you over to Sans, he lightly rolled his eyes at your smile and gruffly offered his arm the way the king did. _Well_ _fine_ _then_. You thought _Make this even more miserable for us, why don'tcha_.

You took Sans' arm and you both walked the last few steps up to the easy-set-up pavilion to the priest who held a practiced smile on his face. Once in place, you both released each other and placed your hands awkwardly to your sides. The priest nodded to the both of you and began the ceremony. "Dearly beloved," He began "We are gathered here today to witness –"

And it was at this exact moment you tuned out. Probably not a good idea to tune out of your own wedding, but currently the thing that went through your mind was _Why couldn't we get the priest from Princess Bride to do this? At least I'd be able to laugh off some nerves._

Apparently, Sans had the same idea, because he was staring lazily off into the distance, a little to the left of your head. You guessed he was probably trying to get a better look at you without being awkward or trying to find a familiar face…Or he was just genuinely bored, in which case, you could relate.

Trying to remember how long these opening speeches lasted, you decided to kill time by getting a good look at the groom. He was a skeleton, which normally meant no eyeballs, yet there were these two lights in his eye sockets that seemed to serve as eyes. They would…"blink" occasionally, the red lights would turn off for half a second before reappearing the same way you would blink.

He didn't have a nose, but a nasal bone like you would in the skeleton in the biology room but unlike the skeleton in the biology room, you couldn't see into his skull, it just looked like the bone disappeared into a dark void. Come to think of it so were his eye sockets. You couldn't see inside his skull, it was just the little…eye-light…things.

Your gaze drifted to his teeth. They were…...sharp….to say the least. _What is this guy going for?_ You asked yourself _Best Jaws cosplay? Yeesh_. The sharp teeth, along with the red-colored "eyes" gave you the impression of "edgy".

And not in the meme-worthy edgy, but the "I'm edgy because I have an attitude problem" edgy…

You prayed silently that you were misjudging him on his looks. You did _not_ wanna be saddled with a guy who was dramatic and emo-y for the sake of being dramatic and emo-y.

You were about to study more of Sans' features when you vaguely registered the priest turning to you and asking you a question. You blinked, having no recollection of what he just asked you.

You panicked.

 _Oh, shoot, shoot, shootshootshoot what'd he say!? Okay, okay, stay calm, maybe, maybe he said the line where you're supposed to say "I do"_ You internally rambled _No...wait….do the "I do"s come before or_ after _the ring!? Ah, shoot he's just staring, quick! Say something, doofus!_

"I-I'm, sorry, what- what'd you say?"

You began considering ways to plan your death.

The priest gave a good-natured laugh. "It's alright, my dear." He said kindly, "I asked if you had any opposition to this marriage." _You want the alphabetical list or the chronological list?_ You mentally asked.

"Oh, uh, no." You stammered, trying to be brave and firm with your answer. "I-I have no objections…" Satisfied, the priest turned to Sans "And do you have any objections to this marriage, Mr. Gaster?" Sans rolled his eyes.

"nuthin' i can say in public, pops." He grunted, for a second, your mind was split between "How'd he talk without moving his jaw and without lips" and being a bit irked at him for being rude to the poor priest who was just doing his job.

Apparently, the irk you felt had shown on your face, because Sans stared you in the eye and glared. You had _no_ idea how that worked on a face like his, but you felt yourself giving a spite-filled smile in retaliation.

 _Is it too late to change my answer_? You thought.

"Then, if there are no objections, please bring forth the rings!"

Evidently it was.

Your stomach dropped again, and both you and Sans turned to see a small human child walking with a monster child with spines coming out of his back and head coming up. The Monster Kid was balancing the ring pillow on his head, as he had no arms (you briefly wondered if that was normal for his species or not).

Upon arriving at the alter, the monster child leaned down so the human kid could reach up and hand Sans one ring and you the other. The rings were extremely simple, only a band of gold, with the Makiisa kingdom seal on the ring you held and the monster kingdom seal on the one Sans held.

"Please exchange the rings as I recite the official vows." The priest said, nodding to Sans to start. Sans suddenly looked a bit nervous, his nod a bit slow and his…fingers?

Er, _phalanges_ began to shake a bit as he grabbed your hand and placed the ring halfway on your index finger. The ring felt heavy. The priest continued speaking and nodded at you, signaling to do your part of this half of the ring exchange.

"The groom places the ring on the bride's index finger, and the bride will move the ring to her ring finger, symbolizing her acceptance of this union." The priest explained to the masses, "By moving the ring, she accepts this duty of marriage for herself, and acknowledges her husband's rule."

 _I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this!_ You mentally chanted. Despite the reality slap you felt back in the dressing room, you suddenly felt as if you _finally_ understood what was going on. You were literally one step away from becoming completely married, and it was terrifying.

You didn't have time to dwell on this, as the priest signaled for you to put your ring with the Makiisa seal on Sans' index phalange. The priest repeated the explanation, but instead of saying "acknowledges her husband's rule" he said "accepts his wife's counsel and promises to treat her with respect".

You thought you saw Sans roll his eyes, but you had no time to dwell on it because the next words out of the priest's mouth was "And with the acceptance of the rings, I present to you: …"

You and Sans made eye contact, fear evident in both of your expressions at the reality of the situation. "Mr. and Mrs. Gaster, unifiers of the Monster Kingdom and the Makiisa Kingdom!" The priest exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air, signaling the bands to begin playing and the people to begin the celebration.

The forced cheers that exploded from the crowd of monsters and humans alike nearly deafened you, and with a quick glance of Sans, you knew he felt the same. Your heart was beating so fast you marveled how you didn't die of heart attack right then and there. You and Sans linked arms, the fabric of his tux stiff under your arm.

Sans walked you down the aisle, well, more like you both grabbed each other, and speed walked (there was no running in these over-decorated strait jackets) and into a small room which was designated for you and Sans. The guards -one human and one monster- in front of the door offered you a smile, and the guard on the left opened the door, allowing you and Sans to all but run inside and slam the door shut.

Upon doing so, the two of you released each other and ran to opposite sides of the room, panting. Apparently, you weren't the only one terrified of large crowds. Sitting down in a chair, you held your head in your hands. _I'm married_ you informed yourself _I'm actually married to someone, and practically the entire relations between monsters and humans rest on the both of us and our ability to not murder each other…_

Swallowing, you lifted your head up to see Sans pinching the bridge of his nose (or where it would be) and watched as he lifted his face up to get a good look at you. "so…" He said, the sound of his voice making you jump slightly. "you're who i'm stuck with now, ey?"

Ho boy, this was certainly going to be an adventure…


	2. Chapter 2 - The Reception

"so…you're who i'm stuck with now, ey?"

 _Well, nice to meet you too, your jerkship._ Was what you wanted to say

"hey, you ain't no dream o' mine either, doll."

 _Frick, I said that out loud, didn't I?_

"yeah, you said _that_ out loud too. you always to talk to yerself like this? yeesh, of all the people in the world, and i get stuck with the one person who talks to herself." Sans rolled his eyes and leaned back on the couch he was lounging on. "perfect."

"Well, gee, thanks for that vote of confidence." You snapped "oh ho ho! so little miss permanent smile has a _temper_!" Sans taunted. It was barely even five minutes being wed and you were already planning a murder.

" _I'm_ the one with a permanent smile?" You said, placing a hand on your hip "You're the one who's _literally_ smiling right now." Sans blinked slowly and sent you a deadpan glare. "yeah i'm always smiling, genius. i have no _lips_. but you? you were smiling at everyone as you walked down that aisle like some kinda saint or sumthin'."

You rolled your eyes and facepalmed. Of course, it was just your luck to be wed to a complete and utter jerk. "It's called a 'nervous tic', Einstein." You snapped "ooooohh, well sor- _ry_ for not noticing, princess." Sans retorted, looking him in the eye, you said "'Princess'? The best retort you have for me giving you the correct term for a nervous habit, is you calling me 'princess'…"

Sans looked as if he wanted to say something but decided against it and grit his teeth. He huffed and crossed his arms "whatever, loser." You rolled your eyes and remained silent. _Loser? What are you? 12?_ An awkward and uncomfortable silence hung over the two of you for another 5 minutes.

A loud knock on the door made the both of you jump. "Mr. and Mrs. Gaster?" The voice called. You both exchanged a quick glare for being referred to with the same surname. "The people would like to see you both in public now!"

"We'll be there soon!" You called out pleasantly, your public façade clicking into place. "yeah, yeah. we'll be right out." Sans said at the same time as you, not even bothering to pretend to be in a good mood. "Of course, your lordships." He said.

Your face scrunched up at the term 'lordships'. You were hardly worthy of the title "lord". And you doubted Sans was as well. "W-we'd better get going…" You muttered reluctantly, gesturing for Sans to hold his arm out. "whoah, hold up. i ain't holdin' yer arm again, doll." Sans protested, you glared, slightly offended.

"What's a matter, tough guy?" You taunted "Afraid I'll give you cooties?" Sans face scrunched up in a menacing glare. "do i look like a baby bones to you?" You rolled your eyes "Well you're sure acting like one, _baby bones_."

Sans growled, a retort not coming to mind, making him frustrated. " _whatever_." He muttered, sticking out his elbow "we gonna act like a lovey-dovey couple or what?" You physically cringed.

"You make me do anything 'lovey-dovey' in public, and this marriage is gonna end _really_ soon." You threatened, glaring lightly but still accepting his arm. Sans huffed, a seemingly genuine smile gracing his features for half a second. "no arguments here, doll."

"And stop calling me 'doll'." You said through grit teeth. Sans grinned, this one full of spite. "what's' the matter, _doll_?" He taunted "don't like nicknames?" You glared and rolled your eyes, not bothering to respond. Before you could reach for the door a guard opened it and began leading the two of you out to the reception area.

You both were led to the castle's courtyard which was transformed from wedding pavilion to party central. As you reached the doorways that lead to the courtyard, you felt your earlier anxieties resurface at full force. The guard opened the doors for you and left.

Your grip on Sans' arm tightened slightly, and you tilted your face up to see if Sans was panicking as much as you. Apparently, he had the same idea, but stopped when he saw you looking at him. He quickly turned his skull away and scoffed before he adjusted his suit. "l-let's just get this over with." He muttered.

For once, you agreed.

You both took a deep breath and entered the courtyard. Upon your arrival, the court crier loudly announced your presence, causing Sans to send a death glare his way. As much as you shared the sentiment, you elbowed Sans and glared at him, mentally threatening him to behave.

Sans seemed to get your message and just rolled his eyes. You rolled yours in response and walked forward, a fake smile plastered on your face as you waved at the adoring…well, not adoring, but certainly excited crowd of people.

You heard Sans huff and you practically _sensed_ him rolling his eyes. "What?" You whispered "nuthin'." He shrugged, you fought the urge to roll your eyes "You could at least _act_ friendly." You said with a gesture towards a crowd of humans who were eyeing Sans suspiciously.

Sans threw you a glare then widened his grin to the point where it looked extremely forced and leaned over you to wave at the humans staring at him "HI!" He shouted, exaggerating effort into his "friendly act". You heard some children begin crying.

"You're terrible." You deadpanned. Sans simply gave you a smug grin. "hey, yer the one who said 'act friendly'. guess i just ain't the guy who's good with kids." This time you did roll your eyes. _My eyes are gonna roll right out of my eyes if I keep this up. I've been rolling my eyes like every three seconds since talking to Sans…_ you thought to yourself as you forced yourself to smile and wave at the crowd.

In a matter of minutes -you and Sans had been in the room for less than 5, you were sure- the entire courtyard had been transformed. The rug that had served as your aisle was still there, though it was now littered with petals and rice that had been thrown when you and Sans had all but ran down the aisle.

The pavilion you were wed under was no longer there, and banquet tables lined the sides of the courtyard. Towards the back of the courtyard, you spotted the longest table you've ever seen, with two empty seats and a space between the two long tables for you and Sans to squeeze through so you could get to your seats.

You felt yourself and Sans tense up when you saw the seating arrangements. The seat that was designated for you (you could tell because a sign that held your kingdom's seal was on the table in front of it) was located next to the monster royals -Dreemurr you thought their name was- and Sans' was next to your king's chair.

Sweet Virgin Mary, someone was trying to start a war today, weren't they? This was gonna be awkward…You had no prior interaction with the Dreemurrs and Sans no doubt had no contact with your King and Queen outside of introducing himself when monsters came to the surface…No doubt these first introductions were going to be stiff and extremely cautious.

You shared a split-second look of terror and uneasiness with Sans, who huffed and tried to play it cool as you went to your seats. Nervousness gripped your stomach, making you want to vomit, faint and run away all at the same time.

You smiled kindly at the goat monsters you were located next to as you moved to sit down when you heard the monster Queen clear her throat. "Sans." She said curtly, "Aren't you going to help your bride sit down?" You blinked in surprise while Sans groaned loudly. "seriously, tori?" Sans sighed, "she's a grown woman, she don't need help to sit down!" He complained, gesturing to you in your 'about-to-sit-down' pose.

" _Sans_." The queen said again, glaring fiercely at the skeleton. You felt shivers run up your spine and you swore the temperature suddenly increased. Geez this lady was scary. Sans seemed to share your sentiments, because you felt a bony hand placed on your shoulder that forced you to plop down on your chair with a little more force than necessary.

"Erm, thanks." You said nervously, Sans nodded stiffly but said nothing. Tori smiled at Sans, pleased with herself. You offered a shy smile to her and her husband. "I-it's nice to meet you, your majesties." You said kindly, trying to get the formalities out of the way.

The queen offered you a small smile and the king harrumphed quietly, giving you a judgmental once-over. "And you as well" He said curtly. _Is- is the grumpiness a monster trait or am I receiving karma of some kind_? You thought, before you brushed off the gruff greeting, he was probably just as miserable as you were right now and just worse at hiding it.

You saw Toriel sharply nudge her husband and give him a deathly glare with which he responded of one of his own. _Nice to see the tense marriage trend isn't just me and Sans_. You thought dryly, before turning to the other side to see if Sans had attempted conversation yet. He hadn't.

In fact, he was actually staring _very_ intently at a spoon on the table, looking as if he was trying to make the utensil burst into flames. _Poor spoon_ You though dryly, leaning back in your seat a bit to make eye contact with your king to see what he was doing, you saw he was sweating a bit under his uniform.

Your eyes connected with his, and he looked as nervous as you. He shifted his eyes at Sans, silently pleading you to help him start a conversation with Sans. You raised an eyebrow at your king. He was usually very social, you hadn't heard of a situation he couldn't talk out of. Heck, there was a running joke among you and your classmates when you were in school that the king was secretly Obi-Wan Kenobi and that's why he could smooth talk his way to success!

Was this the same king or did someone steal the real king and replace him with a shapeshifter?

You shifted your eyes from the king to Sans and back to the king, signaling _he_ needed to be the one to start the conversation if Sans wouldn't. He looked a little panicked but nodded and cleared his throat trying to get Sans' attention.

You internally rolled your eyes. _Ah, yes. The 'clearing the throat' technique. Way to make a good impression, your majesty_.

Sans huffed and looked sharply at the king, "whut?" He snapped, causing the king to flinch slightly. You threw a quick look at Sans only to realize he couldn't see you and settled for looking at your empty plate, wishing for food as you listened to his and the king's conversation which -in this crowd of loud people- was very hard.

"H-how are you liking your day so far, Mr. Gaster?" The king asked.

It took every single bit of your self-control not to facepalm.

You leaned back in your seat far enough to make eye contact with the king. You gave him the Neutral Face of Disappointment™ and held it. The king made no reaction to you, but behind him you swore you saw the queen's lips twitch up in a brief smile.

"are you serious?" Sans asked, sharing your opinion "i just got married to a complete stranger -against my will, i might add- and you're wondering how my day went?" You snorted, then remembered you had to act mature and coughed into your hand. "O-of course!" The king stammered, offering an apologetic smile "Forgive me, I am used to the concept of arranged marriages. I didn't think to consider how you must be dealing with it."

You _almost_ lost control of yourself to facepalm.

"yeah, _clearly_." Sans muttered with a roll of his eyes.

 _Now_ you facepalmed. You heard King Asgore huff under his breath and you internally winced. Not even a full day of the attempt at a monster-human peace treaty and it was already looking grim.

You tried racking your brain for some kind of icebreaker and you briefly considered going with the cliché topic of 'How's the weather' when a blur of red and black screeched to a halt and landed on the table with a loud _THUD_.

You and everyone jumped as the newcomer screamed "SANS, WHERE IS THE HUMAN!?" Your eyes blinked in shock at the sight of yet _another_ skeleton, this one much taller than Sans, far slimmer (practically a two-legged twig) and wore a black and red formal coat with a tattered red scarf.

Sans sighed and rolled his eyes so hard you thought they'd pop out. "i dunno, boss." He huffed "been kinda been busy gettin' _married_ to keep an eye on frisk if ya hadn't _noticed_!" The taller skeleton rolled his eyes and smacked his boney forehead "NO, YOU DOLT!" He screeched "I DIDN'T MEAN THE SMALL HUMAN, I MEANT THE HUMAN WHO I AM NOW FORCED TO CALL 'SISTER'!"

If you had liquid in your mouth, you would have done a spit-take. "'SISTER'!?" You repeated, eyes wide and jaw slack with shock. The unnamed skeleton turned to you, his eyebrow bones shooting upwards. " _THIS_ IS HER?" He asked, pointing at you.

If you weren't currently choking on your own spit, you'd be offended.

"no, boss." Sans snipped "this is a completely different gal just _posing_ as the one i was forced to marry." Boss -if that was his name- tapped his chin and studied you critically. You shifted your eyes between Sans, the Dreemurrs and…Boss? Unsure of what to say or do.

Boss rolled his eyes -they were red too- "BROTHER, I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR WEAK JOKES!" Sans said nothing but rolled his eyes in response. "yeah, yeah, whaddya want, boss? i'm not in the mood to deal with you right now, alright?" Boss rolled his eyes again, this time with more dramatics.

"I DIDN'T COME HERE TO TALK TO YOU, DUMMY!" He informed "I CAME TO TALK TO _HER_!" He pointed at you, and you suddenly felt the urge to run away. "M-me?" You asked, pointing at yourself and looking around to make sure there was no other 'her' around to be pointed at.

"no, doll." Sans snapped "he was talking to the rhino behind you, oh wait! that's just your oversized butt. nevermind." Without missing a beat you replied "Still not as big as your ego you sorry excuse for a Halloween decoration." Sans didn't look offended, but he did look like his pride was slightly damaged. Boss simply laughed, ignoring the horrified stares the two Royal Families were giving you and Red. "PERHAPS YOU ARE NOT ALL BAD FOR A HUMAN, HUMAN!" He said.

 _Is…is that supposed to be a…compliment_? "Er…thanks?" You asked more than said, Boss brushed off your 'thanks' and sat on the table with one leg up on the table and the other dangling down. "YES, I AM SURE YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR A COMPLIMENT FROM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS OF THE ROYAL GUARD!"

 _Good thing he's a skeleton and doesn't need to breathe_ You thought _Otherwise he'd have to stop to take a breath in the middle of his title, yeesh…_ You raised an eyebrow at the skeleton's 'modesty' and glanced at Sans to gauge his reaction. Said skeleton rolled his eyes and propped up an arm on the table and placed his head in it, making him look dead inside.

 _Wait…his name's_ _Papyrus_ _?_ You thought, a bit weirded out _Papyrus like the scroll paper?_ You didn't have time to muse over the origin of his name because Papyrus interrupted your thoughts with a loud "HUMAN! AS YOUR NEW BROTHER-IN-LAW, I EXPECT YOU TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FOLLOWING THINGS ABOUT ME: -"

He stopped to pull out a folded-up wad of paper from inside one of the folds of his scarf and began reading aloud. "NUMBER ONE: THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYURS OF THE ROYAL GUARD IS A SUPERIOR PUZZLE-MAKER AND PUZZLE-SOLVER COMPARED TO YOU."

 _Wow, humble much?_

"NUMBER TWO: AS THE SUPERIOR PUZZLE-PERSON IN THIS FAMILY, YOU WILL TREAT ME WITH RESPECT AND REFER TO ME AS 'BOSS' OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF HONORIFIC."

 _Boss? Why do I address you as someone in authority? Is he the older brother?_

"AND NUMBER THREE: IN ORDER TO EARN MY RESPECT -WHICH IS A VERY HARD THING TO DO- YOU MUST FIRST BEST ME IN A PUZZLE-SOLVING CONTEST!" Papyrus folded the paper and put it back in his scarf and brushed off invisible dirt off his coat. "WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE AS I AM THE MASTER AT ALL THINGS PRETAINING TO PUZZLES! AND SO FAR, ONLY A SINGLE HUMAN HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO BEAT ME!" He bragged smugly.

Throughout his list you had retained a skeptical facial expression, but inwardly you were trying to figure out how to bring this guy down a notch or two. When he bragged about being the best puzzle-solver, you began racking your brains for every riddle you've ever heard.

Granted, riddles weren't exactly your strong point, but you had to try. And if riddles failed, you could always resort to using dad jokes. "Very well," You said with a casual flip of your hair. "I accept your challenge, oh Great and Terrible Papyrus."


	3. Chapter 3 - The Challenge

_Summary: You are being wed to a skeleton named Sans Gaster, a member of the Royal Guard in the monster kingdom in an attempt to create a truce between monster-kind and human-kind. The catch? You both gave each other less-than-impressive first impressions and now must learn to not murder each other….which may or may not end up with you two falling in love….._

Chapter 3 – The Challenge

Papyrus grinned wickedly when he heard your acceptance and puffed out his chest. "ya can't be serious, doll." Sans said, unimpressed. "OF COURSE SHE IS, SANS!" Papyrus chided "NONE CAN RESIST THE CHARMS OF ME THE GREAT AND TER –"

"sure, boss, whatever." Sans said, interrupting his brother. He's had to sit through hearing that title since he was 12, he didn't need to hear it again for the third time in a row today of all days. Papyrus glared at his brother, displeased with the interruption.

After a second or two of having a "glare-off" with his brother, Papyrus turned back to you "SINCE YOU HAVE ACCEPTED THE GREA –" He stopped mid-title to glance at Sans who was in the middle of a facepalm, coughed into his hand and restarted his sentence "SINCE YOU HAVE ACCEPTED MY CHALLENGE, YOU MAY BEGIN!"

You blinked, suddenly very unsure of what to do. So, using the age-old method for stalling you asked "What are the rules?" Papyrus thought for a moment and said "THE RULES ARE SIMPLE: YOU MAY USE RIDDLES, PUZZLES AND OTHER MIND GAMES IN ORDER TO STUMP ME! WHICH OF COURSE, YOU NEVER WILL BECAUSE I AM THE MASTER OF ALL PUZZLES!"

You nodded and bit your lip in thought. You heard no type of protesting from either royal family, so you assumed they were curious to see the result of this 'contest'. So no pressure or anything…

As you tried to search your brain for something to say -a riddle from a book or movie or TV show would've been helpful- but for the life of you, you couldn't figure out one. You needed more time to stall.

Unfortunately, Lord Starscream the Skeletor was watching you very intently, so stalling would be a bit difficu—wait. _I'm a genius_ you thought proudly. This Papyrus reminded you an awful lot of a certain Air Commander of the Decepticons who's weakness was appealing to his ego if someone wanted something from him. You mentally steeled yourself and put your plan into act.

Biting your lip to show nervousness you said slowly "You know, Papyrus, I'm sure my skills at puzzle solving are _very_ inferior compared to yours –" Papyrus puffed his chest out more and gained a pleased expression on his face "—Why don't you show me how brilliant your skills are so I know exactly the greatness of your -er- puzzle-ness…abilities…"

 _Good move, me._

"WELL, I SUPPOSE FORCING YOU TO BEGIN WHEN PITTED AGAINST A SUPERIOR OPPONENT _IS_ RATHER…UNFAIR. FOR YOU ANYWAYS." Papyrus said proudly, you barely remembered to _not_ roll your eyes. Continuing, he said: "VERY WELL, I SHALL GO FIRST!"

He was silent for a moment and said "WHAT RUNS BUT CANNOT WALK. WHAT HAS NO EYES BUT ALWAYS WEEPS. WHAT HAS A BED BUT CANNOT SLEEP?" You felt your brain stop-working. Frick.

This riddle felt _very_ familiar, but for the life of you, you couldn't figure this out! Okay, all riddles are basically puns, but with a less obvious punch-line right? So, all you had to do was figuring out the joke in the riddle!

Okay, what runs but cannot walk? _The Flash_? You thought humorously, you shook your head. Too literal…maybe…GAH! This riddle sounded _so_ familiar it was _killing you_! Quite honestly, the déjà vu you were experiencing with the riddle was taking more of your concentration than _solving_ the riddle.

"AHEM!" Papyrus said impatiently "I'M WAITING, HUMAN. DON'T TELL ME YOUR FEEBLE HUMAN MIND IS TOO SIMPLE FOR THIS SIMPLE TASK!" You briefly considered throwing your spoon at his head. In an effort to stall for more time, you decided to earn some points with this guy by boosting his ego.

"Sorry, Papyrus." You said shyly, biting your lip for extra measure, "But it's just that the quality of your riddle made me so utterly _shocked_ that my brain stopped working for a moment!" The compliment apparently worked because Papyrus' face turned a slight shade of red and his chest puffed out even further. (what was this guy anyway? A bird?)

"OH, VERY WELL." He said with fake exasperation "I SUPPOSE I CAN ALLOW YOU MORE TIME TO PROCESS AN ANSWER!" With a big grin you said "Thank you, oh Great and Terrible Papyrus!" The extra serenade earned you a tsundere-type huff of gratitude from the tall skeleton.

Pushing your brain to think, you suddenly had images of Lord of the Rings, _Just Around the Riverbend_ , and that one Star Wars: The Clone Wars TV episode pop into your head. Snapping your fingers you exclaimed "Got it!" You said proudly "WELL, LET'S HEAR IT, HUMAN!"

"The answer is a river, right?" Papyrus' eyebrow ridges shot upwards before he regained his composure of a haughty scowl. "VERY GOOD…" He said, you smiled, proud of yourself for being able to use your brain. "FOR A HUMAN, THAT IS…" You internally facepalmed, there was just no pleasing some people.

"NOW YOUR TURN!" He demanded, you nodded and tapped a finger to your chin. _Frick, what riddles do I know?_ You asked yourself

 _What about that riddle with the coffee?_ A part of your brain said

 _No, I don't remember how to say that one correctly_

 _The riddle about the sponge?_

 _No, I'd end up making a Spongebob reference without knowing._

 _How bout the one with horse named Friday?_

 _Nah- wait….I actually remember that one! Thank you, voice in my head!_

You straightened your back and crossed your legs as best you could under the dress. "Alright, a man travelling horseback comes into town on a Friday evening. He checks into the local inn, stays three days, then leaves on Friday. How is this possible?"

You felt proud of yourself. This one stumped you for a good ten minutes before you spited yourself into looking for the answer on the internet.

"SIMPLE OF COURSE! THE HORSE'S NAME WAS 'FRIDAY'!"

You felt your fragile self-confidence shatter into a million pieces.

Your shock apparently was visible on your face because Papyrus laughed "NYEH-HEH-HEH! I DID WARN YOU MY PUZZLE-SOLVING SKILLS WERE FAR SUPERIOR TO YOURS, DID I NOT?" You pouted before smiling good naturedly "Yes you did, Papyrus." Said skeleton smiled proudly.

"MY TURN ONCE AGAIN! WHAT IS RED, SHORT, AND GREASY ALL OVER?" He asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Er…a hot dog?" You asked, your stomach clearly in control of your brain. "WRONG!" Papyrus laughed "THE ANSWER IS: MY BROTHER!"

He fell off the table laughing at his own joke, and you almost burst out laughing, more from Papyrus falling off the table than calling Sans "red, short and greasy all over".

Sans growled but kept silent. It looked as if he had _many_ things to say to Papyrus in that moment, but a quick glance at Toriel proved that anything Sans would say would result in his premature death.

Suddenly, loud trumpets and a PA announcement told everyone lunch was being served and Papyrus began to say his farwells. "WELL, HUMAN, IT APPEARS YOU MET MY LOW STANDARDS OF YOU."

 _HEY!_

"CLEARLY THE RUMORS OF HUMANS BEING USELESS WITH RIDDLES ARE TRUE, BUT NONETHELESS, I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS WILL TAKE YOU UNDER MY PROVERBIAL WING TO NURTURE YOU IN YOUR JOURNEY OF INTELLIGENCE!"

 _Did….did he just call me 'dumb'?_

"ANYWAYS, FAREWELL, HUMAN, BROTHER, KING, QUEEN AND HUMAN KING AND HUMAN QUEEN!" With that he skipped off to who knows where. "welp, at least _that_ introduction's outta the way." Sans muttered, more to himself than anyone else.

"Is Papyrus always that…loud?" You asked, turning to Sans. Said skeleton suddenly went defensive and shot you a mild glare "yeah, what of it?" You shrugged "N-nothing, it's just you're really quiet and he's really loud…"

Sans didn't reply but turned his attention back to his plate. His _empty_ plate. Hey, where was that food anyway? A servant suddenly came over to the king and said quietly "The room's ready for you, sire. Shall I escort you and the others over?" The king nodded and the servant bowed.

Walking up to Queen Toriel (brave young lad, this one) , he bowed and spoke to the six of you "If your majesties would please follow me. King Alvero Regina—" He gestured to the King of Makiisa "—has prepared a separate dining room for you to eat your lunch in, in order to further discuss the finer details of the treaty."

You and Sans glanced at each other, a brief mutual flash of fear danced in your eyes at another reminder of your shared duty. "Very well." Queen Toriel said, standing up, "Lead the way." And with that, the six of you followed the servant out of the courtyard and into the castle's private dining hall, designed much like a modern boardroom.

As you stepped inside, your nose was greeted with the sweet scent of hot foods, and your stomach growled lightly in response. Your face flushed when you saw both queens turn around to look at you briefly before entering the room and sitting down.

You and Sans were seated next to each other at the end of the table, with the Dreemurrs closer to you on the right and the Reginas on the left side of the U-shaped table. Beside you, Sans grunted in annoyance "Where's the mustard?" You halted an attempt to put food in your mouth to throw Sans a confused look.

"Mustard?" You repeated, glancing around the table looking for hotdogs or hamburgers on the table. Finding none you turned to him with an eyebrow raised. "Saaans." Queen Toriel warned, "what?" Sans huffed loudly "you said i had to behave for the day when i was out in public which meant no morbid jokes and no mustard bottles. Does _this_ –" He gestured around at the enclosed walls and window facing a large hedge maze "—look like the public to you?"

You and the other 2 humans glanced at each other in confusion then looked to Queen Toriel for clarification. Said queen simply rolled her eyes, and waved her hand at the servant in the room "Fine." The servant bowed slowly "Er…mustard…sir?" He asked Sans hesitantly.

"yeah, mustard. just go back out to the courtyard and find my bro. he'll know who to get the mustard from." Sans replied with a wave of his bony hand. "Er…of course, sir." The servant said, backing out of the room.

 _Sure, just tell me who to find, and not HOW to find them, why don't'cha_. The servant thought dryly. Without a hint of his internal thoughts, he exited the room and headed back to the courtyard.

"Mustard?" You asked again, trying to understand why he wanted mustard so badly. "yeah, you head right." Sans replied curtly "No, I'm asking _why_ mustard?" You said, gesturing to the table "There's no hotdogs or burgers anywhere." Sans rolled his eyes "i'm not gonna put the mustard on anything, doll. i'm gonna eat the mustard. by itself."

"Why?" Was your only response "why not?" Sans replied with a shrug. You blinked and shook your head "I have no response." You said. Sans shrugged and grabbed one of the small pastries on the table. "Anyway" King Alvero Renaldi said, trying to steer everyone towards the topics they needed to discuss.

"Uh, please, help yourselves to the food on the table as we discuss important matters." He said, gesturing to the food. _Don't mind if I do_ You thought eagerly, snatching everything that caught your eye and placing it on your plate. (You made sure to look professional about it at least.)

As you piled up the food, King Alvero began speaking. "As you both know, this marriage unites the kingdom of Makiisa and the monster kingdom." You raised an eyebrow, did the monster kingdom not have an official name? You've only heard them referred to as "the monster kingdom".

"And as result, you both are effectively a living peace treaty." He continued, "We, that is my wife and I and the Dreemurrs will be handling all the legal tape and technicalities. You two will mostly be handling public relations." You coughed in shock, barely keeping the food in your mouth from flying out.

You held up a hand, swallowed and said "Public relations?" The king nodded "You-you both realize that the public relations committee and I have an ongoing feud right?" The queen rolled her eyes and nodded "Believe me, (Y/n), we are _very_ aware." You gave a sheepish smile and returned to your food.

King Alvero coughed into his hand "Continuing on…" He said slowly "Since the Public Relations are exclusively for Makiisa, you and Sans will essentially be running your own organization. You'll just report and work with the Makiisa Public Relations as well as Ambassador Frisk."

You cocked your head to the side "Just the Ambassador?" You asked, turning to the Dreemurrs "Don't you have a public relation committee or board?" King Asgore rolled his eyes "We didn't have much need for one as all monsters were trapped underground together." Your face burned with embarrassment. "Oh, right. Sorry, I didn't think about that…heh…"

"no, duh." Sans said dryly, suddenly looking around he said "ey! where's my mustard?" King Asgore shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Just eat something from the table, you walking carcass." Sans snarled lightly but did as he was told, grabbing a piece of steak and putting it on his plate.

"So, uh…you said we'll be operating on a private level of public relations?" You prompted the king, he nodded and continued. "Yes, and as such you will have your own base of operations which will also act as your living quarters." Queen Julie spoke up, continuing her husband's explanation "However, the building has not been fully built yet. During one of the construction days an accident happened, causing half the structure to collapse and causing multiple injuries set the progress back by about a month and a half."

You and Sans glanced at each other "So, where do we live until then?" You asked "do we get to live at our own places until then?" Sans asked hopefully, Queen Toriel shook her head "And what? Let you both avoid each other for another month and a half?" She asked sarcastically "No, you both are going to be staying at a cottage house closer to the edge of town."

You exchanged another look with Sans "Edge of town?" You repeated "isn't that a bit drastic?" Sans added "I mean it ain't like we're gonna try and run away or anything." You nodded "Besides, we're stuck like this for life, aren't we?" You and Sans internally cringed at the thought, but kept a neutral appearance.

The queens rolled their eyes "It's not a matter of whether you'll run away." Queen Julie started "Which we know _neither_ of you will attempt," Toriel stated threateningly "Just think of it like a time to get to know each other better." Queen Julie said kindly "A honeymoon, basically."

You and Sans both coughed out whatever food you had in your mouths. "HONEYMOON?!" You both shouted in sync "Er…sorry, poor choice of words" Queen Julie said, offering an apologetic smile "But you should both at least try to get to know each other better so you can work as a team."

Sans and you shared a brief look of annoyance and quickly shifted your gaze elsewhere. "Whatever." You said in unison.

Both royal families shared a look of concern and frustration.

Granted, it was day one and issues were bound to arise, but if these two couldn't get along…well…monsters would get restless, the human anti-monster groups would also get restless…as afraid as everyone was to say it, if the political marriage between Sans and (Y/n) didn't work out, war would be inevitable.

"ey!" Sans suddenly growled "where's my mustard!" As everyone rolled their eyes in sync, the door burst open to reveal the servant from earlier followed by an indigo-colored fire elemental in an expensive looking tuxedo. Your jaw dropped at the sight of a living being made out of fire come into the room.

"I-I'm so sorry, your majesties!" The servant said, bowing "H-he insisted on coming himself!" King Asgore rolled his eyes and waved his hand "It's fine." He muttered "Grillby has his own agenda when it comes to serving food." The servant bowed "O-of course."

"sup." Sans greeted, holding out his hand. The fire elemental -Grillby?- reached into his coat and produced a single mustard bottle and flung it at Sans who promptly caught it and began…eating it? Straight from the bottle!

The look of shock and slight disgust must have been obvious on your face, because Grillby looked at you and said "Don't worry, this is normal for him." You blinked, unsure of how to process a skeleton drinking mustard from the bottle and a fire elemental telling you it was normal. "Good luck with him, by the way. He never pays his tab."

"Tab?" You repeated, Grillby nodded. "Speaking of which." Grillby placed a firm hand on Sans' shoulder, small flames leaping up from his hand. " _I hope you realize this goes on your tab as well, comedian._ " He said threateningly " _And extra goes on because of the delivery_."

Chills flew up your spine and you leaned away a tiny bit, hoping to avoid Grillby's tab-induced wrath. "s-s-s-sure, grillbs," Sans stuttered. "Good." Grillby said in a much lighter, happier tone. Turning away, he stopped to give a slight bow to his audience. "Your majesties." He greeted, then turned and exited.

"So…" You said slowly "That just happened…" King Asgore sighed "Please excuse him, he's…" He stopped, unable to find the right word "Eccentric." Completed Queen Toriel.

"Er…no problem…" King Alvero stated "But, back to the cottage. Since we have no official place for you to go after the ceremony ends, you will head there directly after the wedding is over."

"How much more…um, things do we have to do before it's over?" You asked, "While cake cutting, presents and a bouquet toss are essential in a normal wedding," Queen Julie said "We have decided to abstain from those traditions and instead give you a small farewell parade on your way out."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You said, waving your arms "we are _not_ having a parade as we get booted out of the city!" Sans protested.


	4. Chapter 4 - Out in the Country

**_Datboi79 the dis,_ I had to look up what you meant I was so confused XD, yes I am. (Can I ask why you wanted know? I'm not offended or anything I'm just curious)**

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Chapter 4 – Out in the Country

"i can't believe they made us do this." Sans muttered, glaring out his side of the convertible automobile. "Believe it." You said dryly, waving at the crowd of people with a forced smile on your lips once more. "how much longer do we gotta do this?" Sans growled, looking at the sea of people crowding the sidewalks.

You shrugged "No idea, but if it doesn't stop soon, just kill me." Sans snorted "no thanks, i'd rather not risk being dusted by the scariest boss monster in the underground." In the front of the car, the driver let out a loud sigh "The _both_ of you are being ridiculous!" He groaned, "We'll be out of the designated parade area in another 5 minutes!"

You and Sans turned a slight pink out of embarrassment and returned to gazing out the windows. Apparently, fifteen whole minutes of complaining about working the crowd had grated on the driver's nerves enough to make him patronize the two of you.

Turning your attention back to the sidewalk, you tried to see if you recognized anyone. Your eyes scanned the crowds, everyone waving excitedly as you passed by…well, mostly everyone.

Every so often you found a single person or a group of three to five people 'boo-ing' at you, waving protest signs (small ones) or giving you a thumbs-down (as well as some other rude gestures). You always scanned right over them, pretending not to notice, even if you felt the urge to at least stick your tongue out at them.

You knew not everyone was going to agree with this marriage (you and Sans dibbed for top two), but they could at _least_ act like something more than a bratty 3 year old!

Pushing away thoughts of the protestors, you resumed looking out the window -no, wait!- _side of the car_ (it was still hard to remember this was a convertible and technically didn't _have_ windows).

You were kinda hoping to see some of the kids from Viano -the local elementary where you often volunteered at. The week the king had officially announced your engagement to Sans, the kids had automatically began calling you "Princess (Y/n)" (much to your immense chagrin).

And as a result, they had demanded you to direct a Princess Wave, a Princess Smile, and a Princess Kiss all in their direction as you passed by them if you saw them after the wedding.

The car had already passed the school, and you had seen none of the kids in the school yard. No doubt the school declared they all show up for school for the first half of the day, then took them all to the park before releasing them home.

The park was closer to the center of town, but from the route you thought the driver was taking, you might end up getting close enough to see the park. Sure enough, towards the end of the promised five minutes, you passed by the park to see a group of kids suddenly begin jumping, shouting and waving at you.

The sight of the kids warmed your heart, making your forced smile become a genuine one and made you want to stop the car, run over and give them hugs. Unfortunately, the kids were on Sans' side of the car, which meant you had to send them all the requested expressions leaning over Sans' barely contained snarl.

Deciding to put on a brave face and just get it over with, you straightened your back, lifted your hand, and channeled your inner Disney Princess. Once the kids started squealing louder, Sans turned to you, rolled his eyes and glared lightly.

As retaliation, you simply widened your grin an exaggerated your waving.

The drive-by lasted only a few seconds, so you barely had time to throw them a quick kiss before the driver turned the corner and exited the designated parade roads.

As soon as he was out, the driver resumed normal driving speed -but since you were the only ones on the road, he went past the speed limit a bit- and began driving towards the cottage reserved for you and Sans.

"seriously?" Sans asked you, raising an unimpressed brow ridge. You raised an eyebrow in challenge "What?" You asked, crossing your arms. Sans just huffed, annoyed, crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, effectively annoying you.

You rolled your eyes at him and copied his pose, staring out the side of the car, wishing this would be a dream even though you knew 100% it wasn't. What was his _problem_? You were just waving and smiling at some kids!

Besides, this was probably the first time you genuinely smiled all day! Sor- _ry_ if you preferred the company of kids to adults! Heck! You'd prefer the company of a bratty 6 year old to this skeleton beside you!

You sighed to yourself, this was going to be a _long_ lifetime…

The drive to the cottage was less than a half hour (Makiisa was a pretty small kingdom), but it felt like an eternity to you, Sans, and the driver. Every so often, the driver -Ed as you learned his name was- would ask a question in an attempt to make small-talk to ease the awkwardness of the atmosphere.

You had tried to be polite and answer his questions, but at one point Sans made it _very_ clear he didn't want to talk and told the driver to keep his eyes on the road and his mouth shut. (He was a bit more eloquent with his language when he said this, though).

You had shot Sans a fierce glare which he returned with one of his own, and you two held a glaring contest for good minute before the two of you gave up and went back to glaring out your side of the car for the remainder of the ride.

"Cottage, ho!" Ed said finally, nodding towards a house coming up on the horizon. "that's it?" Sans asked, clearly unimpressed, sighing you said "No, Sans, the rest of the cottage is _across_ the lake next to it." Sans sent you a lazy glare and rolled his eyes again.

Ed laughed "Sorry, lady, but the lake's been dried up for a few months now." He said, referring to the lake that was located next to the house. "They had to drain it a while back cuz of some kind of poisoning or something," You and Sans exchanged a hesitant look "Well that's a comforting thought" You commented dryly.

"Ah, don't worry about it much, lady." Ed chuckled good naturedly "I hear there's pretty good camping spots around, and I think this place has a stable around and –"

"did we ask you for a tour, pops?" Sans hissed, snarling lightly at the driver. You shot Sans another glare "Sorry, Ed" You said, still glaring "Thank you for giving us some idea of what we can do while we're out here since we can't swim."

"whoa, whoa, what's the 'we' stuff?" Sans snapped "i didn't sign up for _this_ –" He gestured to you and him "-any more than you did. so i ain't doin' _nothin_ ' unless i wanna, capiche?" You rolled your eyes "Duh!" You said, crossing your arms "But that doesn't mean you can't be _nice_ to him!" You said, gesturing to Ed who was currently wishing to Queen Clarice on high that you two wouldn't bring him into this.

"ooohh, _sorry_ , majesty!" Sans taunted "i didn't realize i hurt his feelings!" You grit your teeth "It's not a matter of hurting his feelings, _stupid_! You're being _rude_!" Sans feigned being hurt and clasped his hands over where his heart -if he _literally_ had one, that is- would be.

"oohh _no_ , i was rude to someone! i can practically feel my sins crawling on my back!" Sans mocked "not!" You growled and glared at him, with him returning the glare just as fiercely.

Just as you opened your mouth to retort, Ed slammed on the breaks "WE'RE HERE!" He bellowed, making a grand gesture at the wooden-cabin styled home. You and Sans winced at his loud voice and braced yourselves on the seats in front of you when he braked. Sending one last glare at each other before exiting the vehicle, Sans marched straight up to the door, not even saying 'thank you' to Ed.

Sending one last glare at him, you turned to Ed and smiled, shaking his hand. "I'm so sorry you had to put up with us for this long," You said kindly, Ed looked as if he barely remembered to not roll his eyes, but smiled and shook your hand. "Understandable given your situation," He said.

You sighed in relief "I'd tip you, but I'm afraid this dress doesn't have pockets." Ed seemed to laugh genuinely at that one and waved his hand "It's fine, if you really want to you can pay me back when you get back to town." He handed you a card and you took it, nodding gratefully. "I will!"

Ed opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a loud _THWACK_ followed by Sans shouting angrily at the door. "SOMEBODY OPEN THIS STUPID DOOR!" You rolled your eyes "IT'S _LOCKED_ , GENIUS!" You shouted, earning a glare from Sans.

Ed sighed and pulled a set of keys from the glovebox compartment "I was about to say 'here's the keys to the place'." He tossed them to you and you caught them, "Thanks!" You say, moving around his car so you could head up the steps. You both waved good-bye and the car roared to life and zoomed away, leaving you with a raging skeleton.

"HURRY UP AND OPEN THE DOOR!" Sans barked, snapping your head to his direction, you placed a hand on your hip and twirled the keys in your hand "What's the matter? Scared of nature?" You taunted.

Sans growled and rolled his eyes "don't be stupid, stupid!" He gestured to the tuxedo that he was wearing "what i _want_ to do is get out of this _stupid monkey suit_!" He clawed at his collar for emphasis.

You gave him a shrug, you could relate (not that you'd say it out loud). This dress was pretty, but it was also restricting and itchy, deciding not to torture him, you pitched him the keys which he caught hastily and shoved them in the lock before dashing inside.

"ey! miss princess! where's the closet in this dump?" You heard Sans shout from inside "How am I supposed to know!?" You hollered back "This is the first time I've been here too, ya know!" You heard Sans blow a raspberry at you before hearing the thumping of feet as he speed-walked through the house.

Stepping inside, it looked as if someone had tried to stay true to a classic log cabin but also wanted everything shiny. The door opened to reveal the living room on the left side and the kitchen on the right with no wall separating them.

The floor was wood -obviously- but you weren't sure if this was authentic or the cheap kind but over-laminated. Your eyes drifted to the living room where a…closet looking thing (an armoire, your brain told you) was. Curious, you closed the door behind you and opened the doors, revealing a small flat-screen TV inside.

"Dibs on couch!" You shouted to Sans who had moved upstairs, still searching for a closet and some extra clothes. You moved around looking for the remote when you heard a loud shout come from upstairs. "Sans?" You called out, suddenly concerned.

"Sans!?" You called again after hearing more loud shouting coming from upstairs. Fear gripped your heart and you ran upstairs, gathering your dress in one hand and your other making a fist, planning on using it to punch someone if needed.

Once upstairs, Sans' yelling sounded like it was coming from the master bedroom at the end of the hall. Running inside, you expected Sans to be in the middle of a fist fight with someone or something by the way he was shouting, but instead you ran in on him with an extremely upset expression on his face huffing angrily at a shirt he held in his hands, with even more T-shirts and dress shirts scattered around the floor.

"DANGIT PAPYRUS, I SWEAR TO KING ASGORE ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA –" He stopped mid rant to throw the shirt to the ground and went for the nearest phone which was the landline next to the bed. "Er…Sans?" You asked, putting your fist down, "Are you…are you okay?"

"I'M JUST _DANDY_!" Sans bellowed, throwing his arm in the air while the other held the phone to his head (how'd he hear without ears?). "Ooooo….kay?" You said, raising an eyebrow. You entered the room, making sure to step over or shove aside any shirts on the floor as you made your way to the closet.

It was half-filled with shirts hanging on one side that was a small collection of your wardrobe from back home (No doubt transported here while the wedding was in place). "Oh sweet!" You exclaimed, reaching in the closet "Sweatpants and a tank top!" You took the two garments out and glanced at the mess Sans just made.

 _I hope he knows he has to clean that up_. You thought idly, speaking of which…

You suddenly remembered Sans was on the phone, well, more like he was waiting impatiently, but still. His face was scrunched up in an angry pout, he had the free hand on his hip and one of his feet was tapping impatiently on the wooden floor.

"I'm gonna go change out of this outfit in the bathroom." You told Sans, gesturing to the hallway "what'cha tellin' me for?" He snapped "want me to join ya or sumthin'?" Your face contorted into a hard glare " _No_ , you _dummy_! I'm telling you so you don't walk in on me!" With that said, you stomped down the hall peeking into each room to find the bathroom.

Upon locating it you went inside, slammed the door and locked it. Geez! What was his _problem_!? Honestly, that comment was completely uncalled for! Your face turned red with anger as you began wrestling yourself out of the dress.

You continued to internally rant about the jerk-ness of Sans when you couldn't reach one part of the zipper to get it off you. Huffing in annoyance, you briefly considered cutting your way out of the dress, but then decided it wouldn't be worth it to go broke trying to repair this thing. Another thought was to go out and get Sans to help, but that thought was dismissed twice as quickly as the previous one.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME, BOSS?!" You heard Sans shout from the master bedroom "YOU GOT ME A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE BECAUSE OF _THAT_ REASON?!" Ah, so _that_ was what ticked him off, a completely new wardrobe?

You glared at the door in Sans' general direction, this entire tantrum he was throwing was over his _clothes_?

"YEAH, IT IS A BIG DEAL!" Sans bellowed into the phone, he suddenly switched into another language, and you became surprised by the sudden language switch.

 **(*)** "YOU KNOW THE SHIRT AND FLUFFY JACKET ARE PART OF MY FANON APPEARANCE, YOU CAN T JUST MESS WITH THAT!" He shouted in the strange language. You halted your attempts to free yourself from the dress in slight fear.

You prayed silently that it was the stress getting to him and he never spoke like that to you. Not that you'd take it lying down, but you never liked it when someone yelled at you or was angry with you.

Shoving that fear aside, you continued switching outfits, finally undoing that zipper. After about 3 minutes of struggling, you finally managed to free your rib cage from the overly popular corset known as a 'wedding dress' and into the tank top and sweat pants you had grabbed earlier.

Now in something comfortable that allowed movement, you began taking down your hair. It was in a complicated style with _at_ _least_ a million and a half bobby pins and clips, and you swore you felt some rebars in there too.

It took another 10 minutes -at least- filled with random bursts of shouting in that strange language from Sans before you finished putting your hair down. Next to go was your make-up, and you suddenly wished you had your phone so you could play some music to cover up Sans' shouting.

Massaging your head, you decided you've heard enough of the shouting, and decided to look for your phone which was…right.

You still hadn't had a chance to explore the house to see if your phone was even _in_ the house. You'd assumed it was cuz your clothes were already here, but that meant you'd half to walk aimlessly around till you found it.

Sighing, you walked out of the bathroom, one hand massaging your head and the other on your hip as you walked around, trying to look for it as Sans continued to rage on. You debated whether or not you should head into the master bedroom while Sans was still ranting, but ultimately decided against it after a louder shout of anger.

You decided to save that room for last and opted to search the lower level first. Luckily, you found it in the kitchen on the bar-looking thing, plugged in at the end next to another phone which you assumed was Sans'.

Grabbing your phone, you internally debated whether or not you should hand Sans his phone. Half of you wanted to not and just let Sans figure out where his phone was, but the other half told you the phone could be used as a peace treaty between the two of you.

Huffing to yourself, you stuffed your phone in your sweatpants, grabbed Sans' phone and its charger and headed back upstairs.

Hopefully this peace treaty would work out better than the one currently going between your two kingdoms….

* * *

 **Note: For those of you who want to know what Sans said in WingDings:**

 **(*) "YOU KNOW THE SHIRT AND FLUFFY JACKET ARE PART OF MY FANON APPEARANCE, YOU CAN'T JUST MESS WITH THAT!"**


	5. Chapter 5 - A Time for Thinking

Chapter 5 – A Time for Thinking

Reaching the door to the master bedroom you saw Sans laying on the floor, skull towards you, arms crossed and pouting, still on the phone. You knocked on the doorframe to get his attention. His neck craned backwards so he could see you. As soon as he did, he sent a testy snarl your way. _Whaddya want?_ He seemed to be asking.

You said nothing but held up his phone and charger, set them on his bed and walked away, not bothering to look back at him. You closed the door behind you and headed to the bathroom as you pulled up the songs on your phone.

Once back in the bathroom, you closed the door and set the phone to play the songs and began the painful process of peeling off the make-up from your face. Sans' shouting was less ear-piercing than before, probably because he had cooled down a bit and the music muffled most of it.

You don't know how much time passed while you were in the bathroom, but once you thought you got everything you could off, you cleaned up anything that didn't make it into the sink and gathered your dress and hair products in your arms and exited the bathroom.

As you stepped out, you noticed everything was eerily quiet…

"Sans?" You called out, stepping towards the bedroom, "You still there?" You knocked on the door and a tired grunt answered you. Entering, you saw Sans had moved onto the bed, in a red T-shirt and boxers, messing around on his phone which you had given him earlier. "what?" He snapped when he saw you.

Holding back a glare you asked "You okay? You blew up pretty bad…" Sans huffed and waved a hand "just my stupid brother," He said nonchalantly "forget about it." You shrugged "Alright, uh, can I come in? I wanna find a place to store the gown in the closet."

Sans shrugged "you can try, but it's probably too small to fit anything else in it." You nodded and stepped inside, heading for the closet. Considering this was supposed to be some rich person's summer cottage or something, everything was surprisingly small.

The closet reminded you of an extremely poor parody of the Wardrobe of Narnia, small but intricately designed and no where near the closet space to hold a dozen fur coats and a mythical kingdom ruled by ***** Qui-Gon Jinn the Jesus Lion.

The closet was wide enough for you to spread your arms and touch the walls with no trouble and it was about a head or two taller than yourself. The clothes that needed to be hung (and a few that didn't need to) were dangling on the hanger rack, and below it was a built-in shelf that also had 4 small drawers.

Pulling out the drawers, the top 2 drawers were for undergarments and the bottom 2 were for miscellaneous items. Finding no space, you closed the closet and huffed. Great, you were probably gonna have to find some other place to put it.

"told ya." Sans muttered from his spot on the bed, you turned and stuck your tongue out "Well, couldn't have hurt to try." You said, closing the door and backing out of the room, "Uh, I'll be downstairs." You told Sans, exiting the room.

Once there, you wandered through the rest of the rooms on the lower level, finding a half bathroom, work-out room, office room, laundry room, and one of those boxed in glass porches with a swing-y chair and some lawn chairs and a table.

Deciding the best place to put the dress in would be the laundry room, you grabbed a lose hanger and went to the pantry in the kitchen, grabbed a trash bag, and made a homemade dress bag before hanging it up in the laundry room.

Briefly you wondered if Sans would like his tux hung up too, but then you recalled the mess of shirts one the floor and decided he probably wouldn't care. Making your way back to the living room, you searched for the TV remote (it was on top of the TV like someone actually puts the remote away when they're done with it) then began aimlessly scrolling through the channels.

You saw most of the channels had been dedicated to the wedding, which was expected, but you still grimaced as most of them seemed to be expressing some kind of doubt about the monster's abilities to be peaceful without some kind of enforcement.

You rolled your eyes whenever a reporter gave that "opinion" and flipped channels to something that was playing a rerun of an old movie. It wasn't exactly what you'd call an award-winning motion-picture, but it was good background noise as you let your mind drift off into thoughts so philosophical they were normally saved till midnight.

Rubbing your face in your hands you leaned back and spread out on the couch, propping your feet up on a pillow. _What a day_ you thought tiredly.

With little effort you began replaying today's events, trying to decide exactly how to continue on as a peace treaty. Sure, there was the obvious: settle fights, play the peacemaker, make sure no one does something that starts a war, y'know, the usual…

But exactly _how_ you were supposed to do all these things was still unknown to you. Sure you had some experience with solving disputes in the parliament when you sat in on sessions with the princess, and you had your fair share of peacemaking in your job as head of public relations for the king, but you still hadn't any contact with monsters outside of Sans and the Dreemurrs.

You knew absolutely nothing about monster history, mythology, ideals. Heck, you didn't even know _skeleton monsters_ existed until a few hours ago!

Then again…that was probably why the king and queen made the peace treaty in the form of a political marriage…

You and Sans were supposed to work together, filling the gaps in each other's knowledge, and teaching each other about the customs and beliefs of each society…unfortunately all the two of you have done so far is far from that…

Sighing to yourself, you made a promise with yourself: No matter what happens, give Sans a chance. Multiple chances if needed, but you need to make this marriage work, if for nothing else than for the sake of peace…

* * *

Meanwhile, in the master bedroom, Sans was not having a good time…..

Sure, getting married to a human was a slight catalyst in his mood, but when he was told they were getting shipped out of town, he expected to be able to wind down and avoid this human girl he was now wedded to.

And he was expecting to be able to do this in the comfort of his turtleneck sweater and snow jacket with the secret mustard stash. But could he? Noooooooo!

Papyrus made sure of that!

The jerk went and bought a whole new wardrobe to be shipped to this stupid cottage! Seriously! He went and bought a complete new wardrobe! Sans had his closet full of the same outfit so he didn't have to waste time figuring out what to wear!

What was Papyrus' reasoning?- you may ask?

The narcissistic, self-righteous, big-headed, loud mouthed, _son of a moldy play-dough_ decided to get him a new wardrobe _to make a good impression on the female human to increase the chances of long and healthy peace treaty!_

FOR ASGORE'S SAKE! Sans' brother wasn't even within a hundred mile radius of Sans, and Paps was _still_ annoying him!

Sans rolled over in the bed and wrapped himself up in the sheets, effectively turning himself into a very grumpy and ticked off boney burrito. To say the skeleton was experiencing large amounts of emotion today would be an understatement.

Wiggling so one arm was free, he propped up his phone on a pillow and began playing a downloaded movie. Not that he paid much attention to it, his mind was preoccupied with other matters.

First off: how the fresh heck was he supposed to live life as a married man now? Marriage wasn't _that_ foreign a concept to him, but he figured he'd live his life as a bachelor with his bro and act as secondary dad to the kid…

Sans rolled his eyes. Great, not even a full day and he was already trying to be responsible. Huffing to himself, Sans asked why he should he care?

Well…aside from Tori's threat anyway…..that was a good reason to care….also because Frisk asked, but that wasn't the point.

The point was!...actually, Sans couldn't think of a point right now…..Really all he knew was that he hated the situation he was now placed in, but knew if he couldn't make it work…

Monster kind may face extinction.

Sans huffed to himself. Who knew that their cage, if another war broke out, could've been their haven….

Even now, some monsters refused to move out of their homes in the underground because of their distrust of humans. And none of them have ever met a human other than Frisk!

Not they were wrong though, many humans treated them with disgust and hatred. Some even have tried exorcisms on the monsters! The general hostility was actually why some monsters -himself included sometimes- to actively sabotage stuff just so they could get food or other things.

Not that the monsters couldn't simply ship food from the Underground to the Surface, but they were trying to reintegrate themselves back into society, dang flabbit!

Although, according to Asgore, Toriel, and that Gerson guy, humans hadn't changed much in the many years they've been underground. Apparently, humans were quick to judge and assume as much as they had back then.

So why _had_ Tori and Asgore agreed to this? Well, other than Frisk suggesting it and the impending threat of war, anyway. Sure, humans were far stronger than monsters, but for the monsters, they'd rather die than go back to being stuck underground again, so it wasn't like things would have gone completely horrible if war _did_ happen….

But still…there had to be another reason the king and queen were so gun ho about this idea. Sans shifted in his blanket burrito as he continued to think. Sure Tori and Asgore wanted to be on the surface as much as the next monster, but he also knew how much Asgore hated humans.

Especially after that incident with the prince -er, Asriel, right?- Asgore had declared that the human child they adopted intentionally killed Asriel and around that time instated the "kill or be killed" law.

At least that was what the history books said. Sans wasn't anywhere near old enough to remember what happened. All he knew was that Tori was reluctant to kill humans, but in her insanity, did so anyway whereas Asgore killed them all without hesitation.

But since Frisk miraculously appeared, the pair have been noticeably more mellow. Heck, _everyone_ who's met Frisk has considerably mellowed since they've met the kid!

Even so, Sans still found it immensely strange that the Dreemurrs would agree to a wedding so quickly! Sans remembered Frisk coming home one week, then the next, Toriel barged in on one of his naps in his home and _told him_ he was getting married!

Then another week later, the human king publicly announced (First and Last name) as his bride-to-be. It would be the understatement of the century to say Sans was peeved. He was _very_ peeved. But, with some persuasion from Toriel, Sans found himself going along with the arranged marriage.

And now here he was, burrito-ing himself in the blankets of some senator or parliament or whoever's summer cottage for a month with a human female he was now forced to call "wife" with an entire nation of monsters more or less depending on him to make the marriage work enough to prevent war.

No pressure or nuthin'.

Sans huffed to himself, flicked the phone off and wriggled around until he was lying on his back. He knew the king and queen were planning something. No _way_ they'd have agreed to this whole political marriage turned peace treaty thing this easy. Maybe they were planning on taking over this kingdom from the inside out?

Probably. That sounds like something they'd do. Makiisa was a small enough kingdom that the overthrow of a government probably wouldn't cause much of a stir in the outside world.

Not that the outside world really cared. Monsters had been free for nearly a year now, and so far, the only people who showed any kind of acknowledgment was the Makiisa inhabitants.

So if the Dreemurrs wanted to make a grab for Makiisa, it'd easily be doable if they plan to take over from the inside out. It would be a long process, but they could wait. After all, monsters generally live longer than humans, or at least BOSS monsters do. This gives the Dreemurrs a potential immortality status if they are not attacked.

Which means, no longer how long it took, Makiisa would become the aboveground haven they've all been dreaming about since they were born.

But…there was always the possibility that the king and queen could've honestly agreed to this treaty and fully intend to abide by it….As unlikely as that was, it was still a possibility.

Sans had to make a choice. He knew he did. If Asgore and Toriel were really planning on overthrowing the Makiisa rulers from the inside out, he'd gladly go along with it. All it would require was for him to remain cold and distant from (Y/n) and the rest of the humans, which wasn't that much hard considering his personality.

But if the plan was to legitimately bind the two kingdoms together then…Sans didn't know what he would do, but he was convinced this marriage was simply a way to stall for time.

No matter what, his allegiance would always and forever be towards the monster kingdom. Even _if_ it was highly dysfunctional and borderline tyranny.

Lying there in the bed, Sans made his choice. _No matter what_ He promised himself _I'll only be loyal to myself, my brother and my kingdom_.

Sans felt a little uncomfortable making a promise to himself -he knew how bad he was with promises- but he felt he had to make this promise. He didn't know, why, but hey, the promise he made with Tori worked out well for Frisk didn't it?

Maybe this promise would work out okaaaa-shoot. Frisk.

Ah, geez. If the Dreemurrs overthrew the Makiisa government, what would poor Frisk say?...

Sans shuffled around, a sense of dread suddenly covering him. Frisk was a sweet little kid, died at least a hundred times as they went through the underground and yet, they still set the monsters free without harming a single monster…

Sans suddenly felt his spine crawl. If the mosnters _did_ overthrow this government, would Frisk…would Frisk side with the humans?...

If Frisk did take the humans' side, Sans wouldn't be able to blame them…it would sting, sure, but he still wouldn't blame them all the same.

Ah, cripes. Sans shuddered when he imagines the look of horror and betrayal that would plaster itself on the kid's face if the monsters did try to forcefully rule Makiisa…Suddenly, Sans found himself unwilling to overthrow a government if it meant not upsetting Frisk.

Sure the kid hadn't been in the Underground long, but from the two meals he shared with the kid, he knew Frisk was extremely pure hearted and _very_ determined. Flowey was too, but he was less inclined to make friends with people than Frisk was.

All Frisk had wanted upon meeting Flowey and the others was to set them free from the prison…the question now was, would they be able to pay the kid back in kind? Or…would they turn on the gift of freedom they've been given and live up to the fears the humans…

* * *

 **HUMAN! THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS DEMANDS YOU READ THIS NOTE!: For the sake of this story, Frisk will have done a single True Pacifist Route, but has suffered multiple deaths during the journey from the Ruins to the Barrier (I guess the reset to befriend Alphys could count as a "reset" but it's not a true reset so I'm not counting it)**

 **The multiple deaths thing is how Frisk is aware of the reset thing, and I'm keeping the "Flowey did multiple runs" thing, so Sans still carries some reset PTSD with him. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the story so far! I hope I'm not too boring or making you all confused with the plot line so far XD**

 ***Liam Neeson, the actor who played Qui-Gon Jinn from Star Wars voices Aslan from Narnia. Just a fun fact if you didn't know :P**


	6. Chapter 6 – Getting Along…?

After a while of laying around and doing some thinking, Sans noticed it was dinner time. And by noticed, he meant he got a sudden intense craving for his mustard. Well, a craving more intense than usual anyway.

Groaning, Sans rolled himself out of his blanket cocoon and stood, adjusting his clothing before heading downstairs to the kitchen where he saw (Y/n) closing the fridge with her foot while balancing a large box in one hand.

Sans raised an eyebrow at her to ask what she was doing. "Oh, uh, hey!" She said, setting the box down. "what're you doin'?" Sans asked "I'm making dinner." She replied as she began opening cabinet doors. "You hungry?" She asked "I found a frozen cheese pizza in the fridge."

Sans grunted, "any mustard?" He asked "Uh, I didn't see any, but I wasn't looking for mustard so it might be in the fridge." She replied, pointing at the fridge. "Why? You gonna put mustard on your pizza?" Sans snorted, "don't be ridiculous, i'm gonna eat mustard straight outta the bottle!"

Sans went to the fridge, opened it and glanced around for a bottle of his precious yellow condiment, found one, grabbed it and began chugging. (Y/n)'s face scrunched up. "Gross." She commented, shuddering a bit.

Grinning, Sans licked some mustard that fell onto his chin and grinned "what's the matter, babe?" He crooned "don't like what'ch'ya see?" (Y/n) rolled her eyes "Puh-lease! It's just that people have used that before you did and now you've got your slobber all over it!"

The skeleton simply shrugged and grinned evilly. "oh well." Was his only reply. (Y/n) shook her head "But _why_ though?" She asked "why what?" Sans replied, raising an eye ridge.

"Why do you eat out of the mustard bottle?"

"why not?" Sans shrugged, a bit surprised she wasn't immediately shaming him for eating mustard and only mustard.

"Cuz it's not legit food?"

"for a human, maybe, but i'm a skeleton."

"Skeletons eat condiments for nourishment?"

"nah, just me."

"Okay, but why? I mean, is it just better tasting than everything ooorrr…"

Sans raised an eye ridge "oor…." He prompted, (Y/n) shook her head "I almost asked if you were physically incapable of eating something other than mustard, but then I remembered you ate some steak at lunch today."

He snorted "good call." When she said nothing but looked at him expectedly, he answered her question "mustard's just a personal preference, I'll eat other stuff when I want." She made a noise of acknowledgment then gestured to the pizza "Want me to save you half then?"

Sans briefly glanced at the pizza and shook his head "pass." She shrugged "I'll leave the other half just plain cheese in case you change your mind." Sans threw her a look as she began putting her desired pizza condiments on the pie before placing it in the oven with the desired temperature and set the timer.

(Y/n) pulled up a chair and began twiddling her thumbs. _ho boy_ …..Sans thought dryly _here it comes….._ "alright, whaddya want?" She looked shocked briefly, and blushed a little "I-I uhm," She coughed into her hand and tried to figure out how to word her question.

"Look, about the marriage thing." She began, _whoop, there it is_. Sans mentally narrated _she's probably gonna tell me to back off and let her do everything cuz i dunno anything about humans_.

She took a steadying breath then said: "Okay, I probably don't like this deal anymore than you do, but…I guess we gotta have each other's backs in this?" Sans gave her a confused look and she shook her head and bit her lip, clearly trying to reword her thoughts.

"Er, what I mean is…uh…" She cleared her throat and made an attempt to look Sans in the eyes. "Okay. What I mean is: I'm sure neither of us want to be married to each other—" _trust me, sweetheart, you have no idea_ "—but I know we have to work together for both of our kingdom's sakes."

Sans tapped a phalange on the mustard bottle thoughtfully, she wasn't wrong, but he didn't like where this conversation was going. "So, I guess what I'm _trying_ to say," (Y/n) continued "Is, can we at least try to be friends?" The skeleton regarded her hand carefully, chewing on the tip of the mustard bottle in thought.

"monsters don't have friends." He said suddenly, "…Huh?" (Y/n) said, not expecting to be told that. "what're you deaf?" Sans snipped "i said monsters don't have friends." She glared lightly and put her hand down, getting the message he wasn't gonna shake her hand and be friends.

"Okay, but why?" She asked, biting back a sarcastic add-on of 'afraid you'll get cooties?'

Sans took another swig of his condiment, wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve and set down the bottle. "it's a weakness." He answered simply, "Friendship is a sign of weakness?" She repeated, skepticism clear in her voice.

"eeyup."

"Okay, well what about your brother, er, Paprika?"

Sans rolled his eyes " _papyrus_. and family relations aren't the same thing."

"How?"

"why are you so curious about monster culture all of a sudden?"

"Well _maybe_ I'm tryna do my job as part of the peace treaty by learning about the kingdom we're trying to join with!"

"exactly. _trying_. look, doll, i dunno what it is you're tryna do by acting all dandy and optimistic about this- this-" Sans struggled to find an adequate descriptor for the marriage "-this _life sentence_ , but knock it off."

She made an attempt to protest, but Sans cut her off "humans sealed monsters in that prison we were forced to call our home, and now they wanna just get rid of us for good." He stared her in the eyes coldly and said with a snarl "what makes you think you can make a difference."

Nothing was said between the two, but a fire had lit in (Y/n)'s eyes. Sans knew it was something similar to the look Frisk had when he told the kid that the monsters were unfriendly and were only going to hurt them and Flowey shortly before the kid freed monster kind.

But this wasn't the same kind of flame. The flame that had the human girl's jaw clenched tightly and fists tighten was closer to an old friend of Sans'. Rage. He knew he struck a nerve with telling her she couldn't do anything, and he knew he was probably gonna pay for that comment sooner or later, but he _really_ didn't want her to stick her nose in his business.

After all, it was only a matter of time before monsters made their move, right?

Once a few seconds of silence had passed, Sans ended their glaring match with a quick snarl and stood, taking the mustard bottle with him as he silently made his way back upstairs.

* * *

 _WHY THAT SCRAWNY, LITTLE, SKELETOR-REJECT! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!_

Seething in your anger, your crossed your arms, huffed, and glared fiercely at the table, imagining it was Sans. You got that Sans had a sore spot for being _literally_ grounded for life until recently, but you were at least _trying_ to give him a chance! It was more than most humans were doing at this point!

Why couldn't he make the same effort!? Sheesh, and you even had a relatively civil conversation before this! Honestly, would it kill him to show a little patience!? You were tying your best here!

Sighing, you propped your elbows up on the table and rubbed your temples. Sooner or later, something was gonna explode, and you had the feeling you were you gonna be right smack in the middle of it.

Silence enveloped you, and you suddenly felt tears stinging your eyes. You were a bit of an angry crier, and as much as you wanted to hold the tears back, they spilled over your cheeks and splashed onto the table.

You held back any sobs and resigned yourself to letting the tears fall. This was turning out to be a lot harder than you hoped. You were silently praying that it was simply the anxiety of all this sudden change and responsibility that was making him say these things about not making friends, and not being able to make monsters and humans get along.

Like you hadn't known that already! Humans, as a race, were terrible. You recognized this as soon as you discovered the internet. But still! Sure humans were generally terrible, but they had a good side if people would give each other the benefit of a doubt!

Wiping the tears off your face, you took a breath to steady yourself. You weren't gonna let this get to you. Nope. Not at all. Trying to control your breathing, you made a promise to yourself. You'd prove him wrong.

You'd show Sans not all humans were heartless beings, you'd show him that you were being genuine about not wanting his people to be wiped from existence thanks to stubborn, idiotic humans. You'd show him he didn't need to live by that stupid Underground rule that friends are weaknesses.

 ***Knowing you may someday change Sans' mind…you are filled with DETERMINATION**

* * *

Within no time, the time spent at the cottage had passed. The people of Makiisa had hardly registered the month and a half that flew by, the royal family, was more acutely aware of the time passing by and made all the necessary preparations.

But to the inhabitants of the cottage in the outskirts of the city, the time couldn't have gone slower if Father Time himself had taken a vacation in some far away dimension and _walked_ back.

At first, (Y/n) had tried to convince Sans to do activities with her in hopes she may be able to get him to trust her, but was ultimately shot down. She had tried hiking, but he refused to get out of the cottage.

She attempted to play a board game but he quickly dismissed it as a "mediocre pastime meant for dummies". Then (Y/n) had remembered Ed mentioned the possibilities of horseback riding and attempted to get him to do that with her, but was discouraged with the use of a giant dragon-looking skull.

After that, she made no more attempts to befriend him during the remainder of their time at the cottage.

Unfortunately, Sans had a plan of his own in mind, because as soon as (Y/n) stopped her attempts at befriending him, Sans made every attempt to make them mortal enemies.

He wasn't a complete jerk, he didn't do anything disgusting like leave a mystery goop somewhere (Y/n) would step in our use, but that didn't mean he didn't have jerk moments.

Sans made sure to always have a semi-hostile attitude towards her when they spoke, he made sure to live like a slob to annoy her, and he brought up the topic of how humans were complete jerks as often as he could.

Inevitably, both (Y/n) and Sans snapped.

They began arguing over the smallest thing in the month and a half they stayed together, and were constantly at each other's throats.

And, unfortunately for a certain chauffeur named Ed, he would be the first to witness the animosity between the human and the skeleton.

Once the big day arrived, Ed had left his home, driving a cab with one of those divider things between the passenger and the driver (he wasn't taking the chance Sans and (Y/n) had become friends) and drove down to the cottage, taking his own sweet time.

On the way there, he began caravanning with a pick-up truck, no doubt meant to pack all the belongings of the two temporary residents. Ed silently prayed for the pick-up truck driver's sanity upon arriving to their shared destination.

Once at the cottage, things happened exactly as Ed had suspected they would. The pick-up truck had arrived before Ed which alerted (Y/n) and Sans to his presence, and lo and behold.

As soon as the door opened, he saw the couple in question in the middle of a heated argument, both of them lugging a backpack which was stuffed with their belongings they no doubt wished to use as soon as possible rather than waiting for the truck to arrive to their place.

As they argued, Ed ran around and opened the door for them, first (Y/n) slid in, followed by Sans, both arguing and neither acknowledging him. Which was actually perfectly fine for him. Yep. Don't mind the guy driving the car. Just continue arguing, that'll really make this trip go fast.

Which, ironically, was exactly what happened. Ed had no idea what the two were arguing about, but it clearly had them both agitated to the point where he legitimately thought the peace treaty was going to end in war. As a result, he wanted these two whack bags out of his car ASAP.

So, blaring his music in the front of the cab, he sped as fast as possible to get back to the designated address on his in-car GPS. Despite the music he had playing, and the passenger-driver divider, he still heard bits and pieces of the argument, but thankfully, after about ten minutes, the passengers seemed to have lost their steam, and now resorted to a tense, angry silent treatment.

Fortunately, this silence lasted long enough for Ed to pull into the driveway of the new home slash work place of (Y/n) and Sans. Activating the walkie-talkie which connected the two sections of the cab, Ed announced their arrival.

Bracing himself for the interaction that would undoubtedly follow, Ed exited the vehicle and opened the doors for his two passengers.

As Ed opened the car door for you, you offered him a stiff but polite smile and exited the car, taking out a single ear bud so you could hear any following conversations and still be able to hear your music. You snatched up your backpack and turned to see the house that was custom built for you and Sans by the Makissa royal family.

It looked to be 3 stories tall (not counting the level that vaguely looked like an attic) and had a small yet professional looking sign on the lawn which read: _Monster-Human Public Relations Headquarters_.

You sucked in a breath and bit your lip. Right. You had forgotten about that little part of the deal.

Tearing your eyes away from the sign, you briefly glanced at everything. There was a small outdoor fountain with a little dragon, some flowers and shrubbery lined the front lawn, giving the building a welcoming feel.

The garage which Ed had parked in front of looked to be connected to the house through a short hallway and was currently closed, no doubt housing your car and motorcycle, along with any vehicle Sans may have had. (If monsters even HAD driver's licenses).

Sans let out a loud huff, and muttered something under his breath before walking up to the door. Suddenly remembering what happened last time, he turned sharply and looked at you. "got the keys?" He said grumpily, you looked to Ed who shrugged and said "Sorry, I was only given orders to bring you here, I assumed you had it or someone was going to greet you here."

You sighed and scratched your head, "Neither of us have the keys, but thanks." To Sans you said "Just see if the door's unlocked or something!" Said skeleton rolled his eyes but did as he was told.

Suddenly remembering the promise you made to Ed last time you saw him, you quickly dug out your wallet and handed him two twenty dollar bills. "I know the king and queen probably paid for you already, but I wanted to tip you for putting up with me and Sans twice."

Ed smiled at you and tucked the bills in his pocket. "S'alright, miss." He said kindly -though not without a little exasperation. "I doubt anyone expects an arranged marriage thrown together in about 3 months to work out smoothly from the start." You nodded and smiled gratefully. Had it really only been 3 months from when you were promised to when you were wed?

Well, now it was 4 and a half months, but dang, time flew by!

You could easily remember when the king and queen had waltzed into your office at your previous job and asked to speak with you privately, opening the subject of arranged marriage before being told you had been selected to be part of this living peace treaty.

Tearing yourself out of your thoughts, you said your goodbye to Ed and hustled to join Sans at the door, who had been knocking loudly on the thick wooden door. "grr, who's idea was it to send us to this place and not give us any keys!" He growled.

You were about to give him a smart retort when you both heard the garage door activate, along with some kind of weird heavy metal music playing ***** followed by an obnoxious "THAT WOULD BE ME!"

Sans' eye sockets went dark, and he became frozen in his place. "you gotta be kiddin' me." You looked at him, confused, then made your way to the garage to see none other than Papyrus, red scarf billowing in the non-existent wind, hands proudly on his hips with a smug grin etched onto his facial bones.

"bro? what. the. heck?" Sans growled, fists clenching beside him. "What are you doing here?" You asked, regarding the taller skeleton with some suspicion. "ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?" Papyrus scoffed, flicking his non-existent hair.

"I'VE COME TO MOVE IN!"

* * *

 ***** watch?v=64cvrwzrmhU (start from either 0:32 or 1:37 to get the full blast of Extra™ that is Fell!Paps, you don't have to, it's just for the laughs ;P)

 **NOTE: I'm so sorry for the terrible quality of this chapter T_T I had no idea how to transition from the wedding to this point, but I swear I have plot now! I was actually able to write some plot down while on the road trip I just got back from, so hopefully we can get to the plot and fluff soon XD**


	7. Chapter 7 - Roomies and Schedules

**RandomHuman447: I'm so glad you like the story do far ^.^ your words really mean a lot to me. (srsly I grinned for like 5 min straight after I read your review XD). Anyways, I've been posting this story on my Tumblr so I think I'm okay, but if it helps, I can make an AO3 account and post it there** **.**

* * *

"whoa, whoa, wait, what?"

"YOU HEARD ME, BROTHER! I'M HERE TO STAY WITH YOU TO MAKE SURE YOUR FAT BONES ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN BOONDOGGLE ALL DAY AND DRINK CRUSTY OLD MUSTARD!"

"why d'you care, boss? you're always threatening to kick me out anyways!"

"YES, BUT NORMALLY YOU'RE TICKING ME OFF WHEN I SAY THAT."

"er, boss? we're brothers. we're always ticking each other off."

"THAT IS TRUE, BUT IF YOU ARE TO EVER BE EVICTED FROM MY HOUSE, IT WILL BE UNDER _MY_ TERMS!"

"this isn't your house!"

"IS NOW! BESIDES, DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT A MEASELY HUMAN TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE SLEEZINESS OF YOUR DAILY ROUTINE, SANS?"

"HEY!" You and Sans growled in unison. You shared a glare at each other then turned to Papyrus who was simply standing there smugly. "What?" You asked, trying to sound calm but failing.

Papyrus said nothing but smirked wider "AS I WAS THE FIRST TO ARRIVE HERE, I HAVE ALREADY MADE CLAIMS ON MY BEDROOM AND HAVE ASSIGNED BOTH OF YOU YOUR OWN ROOMS."

"Hey! What do I look like to you?" You sputtered "A 5th grader on a camp field trip?" Papyrus exchanged confused looks. "IF YOU MEAN YOU'RE A GRADE 5 ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 100, THEN YES. YES YOU ARE." Sans laughed and you glared fiercely at Papyrus.

"NOW, IF YOU'RE DONE HUMILIATING YOURSELF, HUMAN, COME INSIDE AND I CAN ASSIGN YOU YOUR SLEEPING SPACE AND SIMPLE TASKS TO KEEP YOU OCCUPIED DURING THE DAY!" Papyrus ordered, turning on his heels, he walked back inside -stopping briefly to turn off the speakers- his red scarf trailing behind him.

"Is…is he _serious_?" You asked, stunned and also insulted. Besides you, Sans merely shrugged, his expression unreadable. "he's serious." Having said this, he followed his brother inside. Sighing loudly, you rubbed your temples a bit before following suit, pausing to close the garage door.

Inside was every bit as pristine as the outside, with one exception. While the outside seemed homey and welcoming, the inside was…well….bare and stuffy. Not stuffy as in there was so much too process you couldn't think straight, but it had minimal furnishings and the furnishings that were there was the "touch and you might break it" kind.

Therefore the place was stuffy 'cause you weren't sure if the shiny new furniture was okay to touch….despite the fact that this was technically your house now. Well…yours and _Sans_ '….and Papyrus'…apparently…..

The level you were on was very spacious, and vaguely resembled a large office space. You deduced that this was where you would be working once the Human-Monster Relations thing kicked off.

You wanted to look around a bit more, but Papyrus had come up to you, grabbed your wrist and began tugging you up the stairs to the second level. "Wh- Hey! Papyrus! Let go!" You protested, wincing at his hard grip.

"NOT UNTIL I SHOW YOU YOUR ROOM!" Papyrus snapped "I WILL NOT HAVE YOU RUNNING AWAY!" You blinked as you jumped up the stairs to keep up with Papyrus' ridiculously long strides. " _Why_ would I run away!?" You asked incredulously "BECAUSE HUMANS ARE WEAK AND ARE EASILY FRIGHTENED OFF!" Papyrus reasoned.

You barely held back a comment asking if all monsters were able to go through their daily lives while experiencing the demonic horror that is PMS, but managed to refrain yourself.

"HERE!" Papyrus gestured to the living room which was connected directly to the stairway, where a couch was stationed directly in front of the TV. "THIS IS WHERE YOU'LL BE SLEEPING!" You blinked as Papyrus shoved you forward into the room, forcing you to take in your surroundings.

"I'm sleeping….in the living room?" You asked, more confused than offended. "what's the problem?" You heard Sans say "you slept perfectly fine on the couch back at the cottage."

Rolling your eyes you said "Duh. But that's because I chose the living room in a house that _wasn't_ mine." Papyrus suddenly grinned "SO YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS SLEEPING ARANGEMENT, THEN?" You blinked at Papyrus, unsure how to respond.

"Er…not really?" You said, "I'm more just confused than anything." Papyrus' grin faltered "….WHAT?" He asked, you were unsure if he was enraged about this or as confused as you were. "I mean, if I'm sleeping here," You motioned to the couch "Where are you and Sans sleeping?"

Sans looked to Papyrus, obviously thinking the same thing as you. "I'M SLEEPING IN THE BEST ROOM WITH THE BUILT IN BATHROOM, OBVIOUSLY!" _Of course he dibbed the Master Bedroom for himself_ , you thought dryly.

"so where the heck am _i_ sleeping?" Sams asked, eyeing you suspiciously. You shot him a light glare back wich he responded with an eye roll. "YOU'LL BE STAYING WITH ME ON THE NEXT FLOOR BUT IN THE SPARE BEDROOM ACROSS THE HALL. OBVIOUSLY."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, _hold up_." You said, waving your arms in a "time out" motion. "You're telling me there's only _2_ bedrooms in this entire house?!" You asked, placing your hands on your hips.

Papyrus 'tch'd and rolled his eyes "OBVIOUSLY NOT," He said, a smug grin growing on his face "I'M JUST SIMPLY NOT ALLOWING YOU TO SLEEP COMFORTABLY!" He began laughing obnoxiously and pointed at you like you both were back in 3rd grade and he had just witnessed you spilling Capri-Sun on yourself.

"…." Was yours and Sans only reaction. "Well, jokes on you, skele-boy." You deadpanned. "After going through High School I gained the super power to sleep _literally_ anywhere." Sans snorted but covered it up quickly. Papyrus looked as if he wanted to say something, something very loud, and very rude, but your phone rang and interrupted him.

Waiting for him to explode at you, you ignored your phone and stared him down. Papyrus, however, seemed to have a different idea. "WELL?" He asked impatiently. "Well, what?" You asked, still waiting for him to chew you out for sassing him.

"ain't ya gonna answer your phone?" Sans asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. "….What?" You asked, completely lost. Papyrus dramatically rolled his eyes "WE MONSTERS ARE NOT WITHOUT ETTIQUTE, STUPID HUMAN! IT'S RUDE TO KEEP TALKING TO SOMEONE IN THE ROOM WHILE A PHONE CALL AWAITS YOU!"

You stared at them, very bewildered, but pulled out your phone and answered, without checking to see who the caller was. "Hello…?" You asked, still eyeing the two skeleton brothers. " _(Y/n)?_ " Came Queen Julie's voice over the phone.

Your face suddenly flushed red at the realization you would've let a call from the Queen go to voicemail for the sake of arguing with Papyrus and Sans. Papyrus and Sans snickered a bit, indicating they came to the same conclusion.

Glaring at the two skeletons, you pushed past them and headed downstairs for an attempt at privacy. "Hello, Your Majesty." You said into the phone "How are you doing?" The Queen let out a loud sigh "I've been better, to be honest, dear." She said tiredly.

Letting out a huff, you smiled lightly "I feel ya," You said, slipping into less formal speech. "How's your husband?" Queen Julie huffed, "The same. Possibly a bit worse, though." You frowned "I'm sorry to hear that," You said sympathetically "Is there anything I can do to help?"

You couldn't see her, but you knew the Queen was smiling a little bit. "Thank you, dear, but unless you know of a magic spell that will combine all the laws in the best way possible, then I'm afraid not." You snorted at her little joke, "How is that going, by the way? The combining the laws thing, I mean."

Taking a deep breath, the Queen filled you in on everything that's happened in the Parliament since you left. After a while of talking, it really boiled down to Parliament being very uncooperative and hostile to the Dreemurrs and the indecisiveness of which laws were important to keep and get rid of from each kingdom.

Sighing, you rubbed your temples and sank deeper onto a couch you had found on the lower floor. "Need me to come and sass Parliament into behaving?" You offered "I've got a lot of unused sass I need to let out." The Queen laughed lightly "Thank you, dear, but that won't be necessary." She sighed "As fun as that would be to see." You heard her mutter.

You snickered "Well….if there's anything I can do to help, let me know." You said, "Thanks, dearie." She said "Oh, but before I forget, your old job as head of public relations."

"Yeah, what about it?" You said, "You'll need to continue that for a while longer, at least until we get this whole law-combining thing done." You nodded out of habit, then realized she couldn't see you. "Alright, I'll head back tomorrow." You said.

Right as you closed your mouth you heard a loud _THUMP_ followed by a distant but equally loud " _SANS!_ _THAT WASN'T THE LEAST BIT FUNNY_!" You sighed loudly. "On second thought, I may end up going back later today."

"Don't rush yourself, sweetheart, I don't want you to overexert yourself-" You snorted, "Believe me, your majesty, the only way you'll make me overexert myself is if I have to stay here at home."

"Oh….is-is there something wrong?" She asked, sounding very concerned. You sighed, you knew the first thought in her head would be fear for the peace treaty marriage, so you decided to stall her fears a bit.

"Just some rough patches, y'know? Getting used to each other's presence and quirks and…such." You half lied. Truthfully, you knew things were a bit more hostile than that between you and Sans, but something told you, you were both just acting out of fear.

Fear of each other. Fear if you didn't make this work, the two species could go to war resulting in needless death…

You shook your head and pushed the thoughts out of your mind. "Well….if you're sure…" The Queen said slowly. "I…guess I'll let you go get ready for work now." You gave her a quick thanks, and you both bid each other a hasty goodbye before you hung up and ran upstairs.

"YO, PAPYRUS!" You called out, unsure where he was. "WHAT!?" The skeleton shouted from what sounded like the third level. Quickly locating the set of spiral stairs that led to the third level of the house, you began running up it while continuing your shout-conversation.

"WHERE'D YOU PUT MY CLOTHES?" You asked, you heard scrambling and some hasty thudding of cabinet doors. "WH-WHY WOULD I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, EVER MESS WITH SOME MEASLEY HUMAN'S CLOTHING?"

Upon arriving at the top level, you were greeted with the sight of Papyrus, leaning oh-so-casually on Sans' head, examining the tips of his gloved fingers. Sans, you had expected to be ticked for being used as a leaning prop, but apparently looked as if he had fallen asleep.

Sighing, you placed your hands on your hips. "Really?" You asked, very unimpressed. "WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, HUMAN?" Papyrus said smugly, you rolled your eyes "Not now, Papyrus." You said firmly "I need to know where you put my clothes."

Papyrus snickered "I'LL TELL YOU, BUT ON ONE CONDITION." You rolled your eyes, and you saw Sans 'wake up' long enough to smirk at you. You glared at them both and they simply smiled at you.

You stayed in a silent stare-off for a minute as you contemplated if it was worth it to abide by his terms or simply look for the clothes yourself. Sighing, you came to the conclusion that you were too lazy to look for them yourself, so you said: "Alright. What're your terms and license, oh glorious one?"

Papyrus' smug grin grew even wider. "WELL, I AM GLAD YOU ASKED!" You felt regret immediately claw its way into your stomach. With extreme flourish, Papyrus pulled out….

An Ahsoka Tano cosplay headgear.

"WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GET THAT!?" You shouted, face turning red as you lunged for it. Knowing you would do this, Papyrus hoisted the prop far above your head and dangled it tauntingly. You growled in frustration and tried to jump and grab it, but Sans managed to grab your shoulder and pull you down so you stayed put.

You briefly considered turning around and putting him into a choke hold, but decided that'd end badly for everyone. You growled menacingly at Papyrus who only smirked widely. "SEE SANS? I TOLD YOU THE HUMAN WOULD BE TOO EMBARRASSED TO WEAR SOMETHING SO RIDICULOUS!"

Your face flushed red in an attempt to physically restrain yourself from aggressively explaining to Papyrus how amazing and awesome Ahsoka Tano is and how much of a self-confidence boost it gave you whenever you wore it.

"hehehe, look boss!" Sans said behind you "she's turnin' red _!" Yeah. Red from rage you boney pile of_ \- "NOW, HUMAN, MY TERMS ARE SIMPLE!"

Papyrus slammed the prop onto your head and you barely refrained from shouting at him to be careful with the cosplay item. "HAHAHAHAHHAHHA!" Papyrus howled "YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS, HUMAN!"

He fell to the floor in laughter and you heard Sans snickering behind you. If you weren't completely and utterly done with these, two, you might've laughed as well. Instead you just sighed and motioned to the Togruta montrals and lekku hanging lop sidedly on your head.

"Let me guess, I have to wear the headdress all day long?" You sighed exasperatedly. "HA! THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, HUMAN!" Papyrus exclaimed jumping to his feet. "BUT NO, YOU MUST WEAR THIS RIDICULOUS HEAD GEAR FOR-" He snickered loudly, trying to contain his sadistic glee "YOU MUST WEAR THIS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!"

He cackled loudly and went back to rolling on the floor. You and Sans however stayed silent, with only one thing going through your mind. "Er, Papyrus?" You said "Today's Friday." Papyrus stopped laughing and for a half minute, everyone was silent. "WELL…..THEN…..YOU'LL WEAR IT UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY!" He said.

"NYEH HEH HEH HEH! YOU HAVE BEEN THOROUGHLY JAPED BY THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS!" Said skeleton zoomed off and appeared in front of you with a set of clothes folded neatly in his hands.

Blinking, you felt Papyrus shove the outfit in your arms and you barely registered Papyrus throwing you in a closet so you could change. "HEY!" You protested, pounding on the door. "PAPYRUS! I can't get dressed in here, I can't see!"

You heard the strange laughter followed by Sans suggesting you to turn the lights on. You felt dread shoot up your spine. Oh dear sweet mother of Primus they hid something terrifying in here didn't they?

Grumbling to yourself, you braced for a giant plastic spider to appear behind and you flipped the switch on to see…

AKSJDHSUKLHF GIANT DEMONIC SPAWN OF SATAN'S WORST NIGHTMARES WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FRESH HECK IS THAT!?

A deafening, blood-curdling scream erupted from your lips and you slammed into the door so hard you knocked it off it's hinges and landed flat on your stomach. The fear of what you saw was still etched into your mind and the adrenaline combined with your overactive imagination tricked you into thinking the terrifying sight had gained sentience and was now chasing you.

Fueled by the determination not to die from something that looked like the love child of Arachnid from Transformers Prime, Skeletor, and Tim Burton, you jumped back up, ran downstairs with the clothes still in your hands and ran out into the garage. Starting up your car you drove straight to your work, not noticing two things.

One: You were still wearing the Ahsoka Tano headdress thing, and two: when you knocked the door off its hinges, you ended up tackling a pair of skeleton monsters who had their ear holes pressed up against the door in anticipation of your reaction…

* * *

Sans and Papyrus groaned as they shoved the wooden door off their prostate forms. "ugh, what hit us?" Sans groaned, sitting up. "SANS, I BELIEVE WE MAY HAVE UNDERSTEMATED THIS HUMAN'S STRENGTH!" Sans groaned in pain "ya don't say?"

Standing, Sans helped is brother stand up and the two brushed off their clothes before looking at the giant bone spider they created using their bone attacks. "…..maybe next time we should use sumthin' smaller."

"OR STAND BACK FARTHER NEXT TIME."

"yeah. that too."


	8. Chapter 8- We're Working On It

**Guest: Thanks so much! ^.^ I'm really glad you think I'm writing Red(Fell!Sans) pretty good XD he's a bit of a tough character for me to write XD**

 **RandomHuman447: OMG YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU SAVED ME, THOSE ARE BRILLIANT RIDDLES! You have no idea how grateful I am to you for sending those in I'm definitely using those! I can pun like there's no tomorrow, but I can't riddle to save my life XD**

 **.girl.33: Thanks so much, I'm glad you like it ^.^**

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Pulling into the parking lot at your work (hey, being head of the PR and having a reserved parking spot had its perks!), you noticed a large crowd of people swarming at the steps that lead up to the glass doors of the office building.

You saw a few large posters as well as a few people throwing something, which, based on your past experience, could be anything from a goopy veggie to a rubber chicken to a rock. Sighing, you rubbed your face "This is gonna be one of _those_ days, isn't it?" You asked yourself.

Steeling yourself for the day ahead, you dialed a number on your phone and waited for the person to pick up. " _Hello, resident world domination planning convention headquarters, this is Elisa speaking, how may I help you?_ " A female voice said, her voice nasally, most likely from Elisa holding her nose.

Giggling, you plugged your own nose and responded "Hi, I'd like to pick up one order of Death Star with a side of Remaking the World in My Image ray." On the other side of the line you heard a muffled " _Is it (Y/n)?_ " Followed by a less muffled, no longer nasally " _Don't be ridiculous, Logan, it's obviously Batman_." You snorted and released your nose.

"Tell Logan I say hi!" You requested, despite the fact you'd literally see him in less than 5 minutes. " _Batman says 'hi' though_." Elisa relayed. You didn't hear Logan's response, but you heard Elisa snickering before returning her attention back to you. " _So, what can I do ya for, boss lady_?" She asked, her voice normal.

" _Just heard you got back today from your_ -"  
"Call it a Honeymoon, and I will egg your comic collection."

"… _So how are you settling in? You get all your stuff organized just the way you like it?_ " You snorted playfully and sighed. " _Oooh, that bad, huh_?" You grunted an affirmative and she made a sympathetic "aww".

" _Well, break for me is soon, I can talk about it if you want?_ " She offered, you felt your heart melt a little, the girl was always offering an ear to listen to people's problems. "Actually, yeah, if you don't mind, but uh, could you maybe open the back door? The front one is currently swarmed by the mob from _Beauty and the Beast_."

Elisa laughed aloud and you had to move the phone a bit away from your ear so you could keep your hearing safe from her obnoxious but infecting laughter. " _Alright, I'll be at the back entrance near the dumpsters_." Not waiting for a response, she hung up, leaving you to gather your stuff (which, given your hasty retreat from the house was just your travel backpack) and head to the appropriate door.

Once there, you simply waited until you saw the door swing open, revealing a smiling Filipino woman holding a pizza slice in one hand and had the other extending towards you in a silent command for a hug.

"Hey, Elisa!" You greeted, giving into the hug request, "Hiya!" She lifted up the pizza slice and held it out to you "Pizza?" She asked, gratefully, you accepted it and began chowing down as you stepped inside the office building. As you took a bite, you heard Elisa snickering.

"What?" You asked, vaguely getting the feeling you were missing something important. "Oh, nothing at all, Master Tano." She giggled, pointing to your head. You reached a free hand up and felt the Ahsoka Tano headdress on your head. Which, in all honesty surprised you due to the speed running you did from the closet to the car.

Sighing, you simply adjusted the prop so it fit more snugly on your head, not really wanting to lose it. "Okay, okay, so tell me everything!" She squealed, looping her arm in your free one and taking your bag for you so you could eat easily. You rolled your eyes and huffed "Didn't you see the news?" You teased.

Elisa playfully swatted your arm and led you to the elevator which would escort you two to your office level with the larger breakroom with a stove and oven. Why the 2nd level breakroom had a stove and oven along with the normal appliances of microwave and fridge, you had no idea.

But, consequentially, the oven and stove made the breakroom more aesthetically pleasing than your 3rd level breakroom so you, Elisa, Logan and whoever happened to be breaking with you at the same time often convened there.

"Uh, ladies?" Said a voice behind you. Turning, you and Elisa saw a young man in a blue dress shirt, pointing to your slice of greasy, cheese bread. "No food in the work spaces." Elisa barely held a snort and you flushed with guilt. "Oh gosh!" You wiped your mouth with your sleeve and swallowed whatever food was in your mouth.

"I'm so sorry!" You apologized, "She hasn't eaten since breakfast," Elisa explained with a dazzling grin as she pushed you towards the elevator. "Anyways, we were just heading to our breakroom, thanks for the reminder though!"

And, as fate would have it, the elevator doors opened conveniently right as you needed them, allowing Elisa to push you inside so you both could avoid further conversation.

"Not eaten since breakfast?" The young man repeated, looking at a clock mounted on the wall which read 12:57. Grimacing, he moved to return to his daily work routine, slightly more sympathetic to your cause of eating as you walked.

A hungry stomach was a hungry stomach after all.

Meanwhile, in the elevator shaft, Elisa was busting a fit. "Oh my _gosh_!" She howled "That was priceless!" Your face was red with embarrassment, but you found yourself laughing as well. "I get the feeling he didn't expect Head of PR to be cosplaying as Ahsoka today."

You laughed and nodded, "To be quite honest, neither did I." You admitted, taking another bite from the pizza, "Oh?" Elisa asked, raising an eyebrow "Do tell." You shook your head and smiled, the elevator stopped and you two began finishing your journey to the glorious breakroom.

"I'll tell you in a sec, I'm sure Logan will want an explanation too." You said, thinking of the third member of your work trio. Elisa laughed "No kidding! Dude's been prodding me for details about you and your new hubby!"

At the mention of said hubby, you felt your eyes roll as if it were a natural reaction as sneezing. Elisa laughed "Girl, it's not even been _2 months_ yet!" She teased. You two walked in silence for a literal 3 steps before the breakroom door came into view and was swung open to reveal none other than Logan.

"(Y/n)!" He greeted, a smile jumping onto his dark face, "Hey, Logan!" You greeted with a wave, Logan waved back then noticed the headdress and his smile morphed into one of mischief. "Oh, Master Tano!" He bowed with flourish "So nice of you to join us here in our humble kingdom of Makiisa!"

You rolled your eyes but smiled. "Nice to see you too, dork." You replied, "Hey! That was cold!" He protested, still smiling. Elisa snickered and sat you down at the plastic fold-up table in the middle of the room. "So, details, details!" Logan prodded, scooching his own chair to sit in front of you.

"I've been dying to know what it's like living with an _actual skeleton_!" He said excitedly, "Yeah, but important stuff first," Elisa interjected, pointing at your 1-prop cosplay. Sighing, you delved into your experience as a married woman for the past 1 and a half months and what exactly that entailed.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the house, Sans and Papyrus had unsummoned the bone spider sculpture, and had been attempting to put the door back the way it was before. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, SANS!" Papyrus declared resolutely. Sans sighed "and how _exactly_ is this _my_ fault, boss?"

"I DON'T KNOW BUT IT IS!" Papyrus reasoned, the smaller brother rolled his eyes but made no retort, helping Papyrus balance the door so it sat upright in the doorframe. The two of them summoned a bone attack vaguely resembling a nail and glanced at each other. "READY?" Papyrus asked, positioning his attack at the upper hinge while Sans did the same on the lower one.

"yep." Said skellie responded, "ON THREE THEN! ONE, TWO, THREE!" On three, the bone attacks were thrown at the intended target, piercing metal and drywall, more or less effectively nailing the door back in place.

The door creaked and teetered a bit, resulting in the skeleton brothers taking a few steps back (NOT OUT OF FEAR, MIND YOU) and waited for the door to stop moving. Once it did, the two waited for any sudden failure in their handiwork, after about a minute or two of staring, they declared the door fit for work.

"think anyone'll notice?" Sans asked, eyeing the 2-inch thick bones impaling the hinges to the wall. "EHHHH" Papyrus said, shrugging "WHO CARES? AS LONG AS THE QUEEN DOESN'T FIND OUT!" Sans nodded and shrugged "yeah, that's fair." At that exact moment, Sans' phone let out a shrill ring, alerting him to an incoming call.

Unfortunately, as neither skeleton was expecting this call, both screamed rather undignifiedly which resulted in Sans digging through his jacket pocket and chucking his phone down the hallway into the library.

Sans and Papyrus, upon realizing it was just the phone, exchanged a look and breathed a sigh of relief. Realizing he should probably answer the phone, Sans bolted over to the phone before it could stop ringing and answered.

"yo." Sans said casually, glancing around the room of books. At least a room that was _supposed_ to hold books. " _Sans_." Came a crisp and familiar voice. "er, your majesty!" Sans squeaked "what a surprise!" Sans heard Toriel sigh " _Yes, well, believe me, this isn't a courtesy call._ "

Sans snorted "ya don't say?" He snapped. " _Don't get snappy with me, skeleton_." Toriel growled, Sans merely scoffed "oh _sor-ry_ , majesty! didn't realize your time hanging with the human royalty made you unable to take a little sarcasm!"

Papyrus made a gesture to signal Sans to stop talking, to which Sans grumpily, but reluctantly obeyed. "whaddya want anyway?" He growled, "… _I want you to go to Frisk's school today_." Toriel responded softly.

"the kiddo?" Sans asked, now confused more than anything "y'mean they're at school right now and not in some stuffy government building?" Toriel sighed " _Yes, and unfortunately there's a mandatory meeting today which convenes as Asgore and I are in Parliament._ "

"whoa, whoa, whoa. hold up. you're askin' _me_ to go to a cheesy school meeting?" Sans stated, slightly peeved. " _Yes. As well as essentially act as her legal guardian when I am otherwise unable._ " Sans scoffed, "and why exactly d'you think i'd be doing this for you?"

Sans wasn't above hanging around Frisk, heck, the kid knew how to take a joke (a rare feature in many of the adults in the species), _and_ they had freed monster kind, so there was that. The thing Sans was finding most annoying about this sudden request was that 1: it was a sudden request and 2: agreeing to this meant having to walk into a room full of judgmental humans rant on about their shallow problems and he _wouldn't be allowed to hit them_.

"…" Toriel said nothing, and yet Sans was still able to catch her meaning. "you're not serious!?" Sans shouted into the phone "i made that promise to you when we were _underground_ , and it was to make sure that whatever kiddo walked through snowdin wasn't impaled on sight!"

Papyrus raised a bone ridge at his brother but said nothing. " _Yes, and guess what? Frisk is still alive, so unless I'm mistaken, abiding by human rules about mandatory meetings is way to protect them. So get. Going. Now._ " Sans pulled the phone away from his ear hole, stuck his tongue out at it then placed it back.

"a''ight, _fine_." Sans relented, "i'll go to the stupid meeting." Sans couldn't see Toriel, but he _knew_ the frustrating goat woman was _smirking_. " _Thank you_." She said smugly, acting as if Sans had offered to do her request without her having to mention it.

Sans grit his teeth and rolled his eyes "whatever." He mumbled, " _Oh, and Sans?"_ Toriel said, her voice taking on a tone of mischief. " _Knock knock_." Sans pulled the phone away from his skull and looked at it as if it had just sprouted arms. "er…who's there?" He asked, suddenly terrified for his life.

" _Karma_." Toriel said with a slight chuckle before ending the call. "what the- THAT WASN'T EVEN A KNOCK KNOCK JOKE YOU STUPID OLD GOAT!" Sans growled at the phone, fully offended. Papyrus let out a loud howl of laughter. " _what_?" Sans huffed, shoving the phone in his pocket.

"YOU'RE JACKET DID THE FLOOF THING AGAIN!" Papyrus cackled, pointing at the faux fur lining Sans' hood. "i-it did not!" Sans denied, turning a slight red. The fur, in fact, did floof up according to Sans' current emotion that could only be described as offended rage.

Papyrus continued to laugh as Sans pushed past him. "whatever, boss." He growled, "the queen put me on babysitting duty. know where the kiddo's school is?" Papyrus scoffed and flicked his scarf "PFFT, DO I KNOW WHERE THE HUMAN'S SCHOOL IS? DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, SANS! OF _COURSE_ I KNOW!"

And with that, he led Sans to the garage and with dramatic flourish, yanked a car-protector cover off one of the cars to reveal a blood red convertible. Sans whistled and patted the passenger doorway. "sweet ride, boss." He complimented, Papyrus puffed his rib cage out like a parrot.

"I KNOW!" He said as he picked a set of car keys from the billboard near the door. Papyrus leapt into the front seat and ignited the car. "er, boss?" Sans slowly got into the passenger seat, a bad feeling suddenly sinking into his bones. "YES, SANS?" Papyrus responded, completely oblivious to his brother's growing nerves.

"do you even know how to drive this?" He asked, strapping the seat belt on like he'd seen in human movies and comics that have fallen into the Underground. "PSSH, WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?" Papyrus casually answered, putting the car into reverse and backing out of the garage.

(not before opening the garage door, mind you). Unfortunately for Sans, Papyrus' start speed was a bit…sudden. Sans lurched forward in his seat when the car backed up, and he found himself clinging to the seatbelt for his life when Papyrus went into drive and began driving down the public streets.

If Sans were to be completely honest in this moment, he'd say Papyrus' driving was absolutely _insane_! He practically drove like he was in some kind of perpetual Hollywood high-speed car chase scene! Drifting around corners, zooming past the speed limits, screeching to a halt at stop signs and red lights.

Sans was absolutely _terrified_. He knew cars weren't supposed to go this fast! And yet, here was his baby bro, driving like he was in some new remake of _Fast &Furious_!

To say Sans was absolutely grateful and relieved when Papyrus arrived at the school would be the understatement of the _year_. Sans couldn't get out of the car fast enough, and he was sure he'd have thrown up his lunch if he had any organs to store his lunch in.

"NYEHEHEHEHEH! I SEE MY SUPERIOR DRIVING SKILLS HAVE LEFT YOU SPEECHLESS, SANS!" Papyrus gloated, "WELL, IT'S ONLY NATURAL I SUPPOSE!" Sans only moaned. Maybe he did have a stomach after all. "yeah, sure, boss." He huffed, taking in a steady breath.

"i'll text ya when i'm done, okay?" He said dusting off his jacket and pants. Papyrus nodded "I'LL BE AT UNDYNE'S SHE SAID SHE AND ALPHYS WERE TESTING OUT THIS NEW FIREWORK RECIPE! NYEHEH!" With that said, he zoomed off as fast as he came.

Sans scratched his skull and shook his head. Man, his bro sure was something else, wasn't he? "Sans! Sans!" A small voice suddenly pulled the short skeleton out of his brief reverie and he turned to see a familiar human waving to him behind what looked to him like barbed wire.

"'sup, frisk?" Sans said, a genuine smile gracing his features. Frisk bounced on their feet and gripped the wire fence separating them from Sans. "What'cha doing around these parts?" Frisk asked, a large smile on their face.

Sans shrugged and knelt down to their height "eh, i'd say i'm here to bust ya out, but i'm pretty sure your ma would have my skull if i did." Frisk giggled "Well then what _are_ you here for, comedian?" A snarly voice suddenly asked.

Sans glanced down in the dirt beside Frisk to see the one, the only: Flowey the Flower. "'sup, sunflower." Sans greeted, an evil grin replacing his genuine one. Flowey sent him a glare and Sans simply grinned "tori gave me orders to attend this mandatory meeting of some kind."

Frisk nodded "It's supposed to be a parent-teacher meeting of some kind." They said with a shrug, "oh yeah?" Sans said, raising a bone ridge. "what do they normally talk about." Frisk shrugged "Grades I guess." Flowey scoffed "And who's kid is better than who's and who lost the most weight thanks to a diet, and pretty much anything you can think of that _isn't_ school related."

Sans felt his eye sockets grow dark. "oh fun." He said dryly. Frisk giggled and squeezed a few fingers through the gate to tug on Sans' jacket. "Come on, come on! Check in so I can hug you!" They demanded.

"check in?" Sans asked, tilting his head to the side, "y'mean i can't just shortcut in?" Flowey shook his head, "You could, but then campus security would be on your case, and I highly doubt the queen would want that." Sans scoffed "yeesh, kid! thought you said you were here to learn! this place sounds like a _prison_!"

Frisk let out a loud laugh "…..That's actually not too far from the truth….." Flowey deadpanned. "Frisk! Friiisk!" A female voice called to Frisk from the other side of the courtyard, said human sighed. "That's Mrs. Mellie, she watches us while we're on lunch break." Frisk explained, "I should probably go…" They added sadly.

Sans sighed "yeah, I'd hate to get'cha into trouble, kiddo." Sans smiled, reaching through the wire to ruffle Frisk's hair affectionately. The human child rewarded Sans with a grin that made the edgy monster's SOUL warm up. "You should probably take Flowey with you," Frisk said before running off "That way you'll have a guide when I'm not around!"

"ey! what, you think me, a full grown skeleton can't navigate a _school_ , while _you_ a human child can navigate the entire underground?" Sans sassed, Frisk giggled and ran off to their teacher and waved goodbye to Flowey and Sans.

Flowey popped up on the other side of the fence and extended a root as if asking for assistance to stand up. "Well, better get going, comedian." He said curtly. Sans rolled his eyes and allowed Flowey to wrap around his arm like a bracelet and pull himself out of the ground.

Flowey wound himself around Sans' arm and gestured to the entrance. "Front desk check-ins pretty simple. I'm sure even a numbskull like yourself can do it without help."

"numbskull, ey?"

 _Oh no._ Flowey thought.

"guess that makes you a real—"

 _What have I unleashed?_

"dis- _aster_."

Flowey groaned, experiencing physical agony.

* * *

 **So who else is excited over the appearance of Fell!PTA!Sans? *raises hand***


	9. Chapter 9 - Meetings

**RandomHuman447: I totally forgot to mention the monsters switching from gold to human money . haha, ah well, I'll touch on that later XD. I'm also curious as to which cooking style GTP will have XD, I haven't decided as both are equally amusing to me. And as for the shielding thing welllll, I _did_ have something planned where Reader did that, but now I'm not so sure . We'll see though ;)**

* * *

Walking into the front door of the school, Sans saw a middle-aged woman with a stern face sorting some papers behind the counter top. _yeesh,_ Sans thought dryly i _didn't realize dwarves were a thing up here. i can barely see the old hag's forehead! how tall is this counter anyway?_

Said counter came up to Sans' collar bone, and he had to straighten his neck to see over it. Sans looked to Flowey and silently asked what he was supposed to do. Sighing, Flowey let out a loud cough. The woman's head popped up so sharply, Sans briefly marveled at how it didn't snap off.

"Yes?" She asked in a crisp, no-nonsense tone. Now, Sans wasn't one to be easily intimidated, after all, in the Underground, he was one of the most powerful monsters (not that he flaunted that or made it common knowledge), but there was something about this old woman that made his danger senses tingle.

Apparently, the old woman had the same reaction because she set down her stack of papers to give Sans her full attention. "Sir, this is a school for human children. What is your business here?" She asked coldly. If Sans wasn't currently trying to figure out why a woman half his size and twice his age was intimidating, he might've been offended at her hidden message: _You're a monster. You don't belong here_.

"i-i'm here as a substitute for toriel dreemurr, ma'am" Sans answered, sticking the hand that wasn't holding Flowey into his pocket. "I see," The secretary said, for a brief moment, Sans was relieved his interaction with the old lady was drawing to a close. "Do you have a note with you for proof?"

And there went Sans' hopes and dreams. Down the drain. Along with his current train of thought.

"i, er…note?" He stuttered helplessly, why the heck would he need a note? What is this place a prison? Rolling her eyes, the old secretary said "Sir, you are not allowed any further if you do not have a note. Now please leave, I'm in the middle of something important."

With that said, she picked her papers back up and promptly ignored Sans who was stuck in between raging and walking out the door. Flowey tapped on Sans' shoulder and handed him a folded piece of paper.

"oh! right, er, note!" Sans stuttered, grabbing the note Flowey passed him and handing it to the secretary. The old lady briefly looked up at the folded piece of paper, gave Sans a disbelieving look, but took the note anyway.

As she opened it up, Sans could feel his SOUL stop in anticipation. He didn't know why he suddenly had this fear of this woman, but he did know that the longer it took for the old lady to open the stupid note and read it, he just got even more scared.

And from the slight increase of pressure on Sans' arm, he knew Flowey was a little stressed as well. The old lady let out a brief 'hmm' which made the two monsters jump in slight surprise.

"Well, it seems as if everything's in order." She took out a manila folder and shoved the note inside then grabbed one of those name tag page thingies. She handed Sans one of the tags and a sharpie. "Just write your name down here and then go down the hall, make a left and the meeting room will be the second door to your right."

Sans nodded and hastily wrote his name down then booked it down the hallway. Following the instructions, he ended up in a mind-numbingly plain room with the tacky "we spent all our money on the sports teams so now we don't have any to pay for decoration" aesthetic.

"U-uh, e-excuse me, sir?" Said the only woman in the room standing with a clearly fake smile plastered on her face. "Are you lost?" She asked, Sans felt his eye socket twitch. _What are_ you _doing here_? Was her actual question. Knowing he wouldn't receive an honest answer if he said "i'm subbing for toriel", Sans took an alternate route to get the answer he wanted.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Sans shrugged "dunno, i'm looking for a pta meeting. toriel dreemurr called me and told me she was s'posed to be at a meeting or something and needed something to be dropped off."

The woman's face -along with all the other faces in the room- showed relief and her grin widened into a more genuine one. "Oh, yes! This is the Parent-Teacher Association meeting! Come on in, did Mrs. Dreemurr say what she needed to drop off?"

The woman spoke to him in a nauseating tone that would normally be reserved for a child who got lost at a carnival, and Sans was becoming more and more irritated with her by the second.

"yeah, me." Sans said curtly, he quickly scanned the room to see two empty chairs, one closer to the standing woman and the other closer to the window. Shuffling forward, he ignored the wide-eyed stares of the other parents and teachers as he swaggered in and plopped down on the chair nearest to the window.

"Y-you!?" The woman exclaimed, her face pinching up into an angered expression as her face turned red. Sans felt the neutral smile on his face stretch into a mocking grin. "s'matter, sweetheart?" He taunted "not _scared_ are ya?" He let out a feral laugh and watched with glee as some of the others in the room squirmed uncomfortably while others, like the one at the board, merely responded with a haughty glare.

"Scared!?" The woman cried "I'll have you know, I-!" Flowey scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes "Can it, Betty, we all know you're afraid of your own shadow. Just get back to the meeting!" Sans snorted when he saw Betty's face scrunch up in even more anger, but she grit her teeth and complied.

"As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted." Betty shot Sans a look which he ignored completely in favor of digging out a mustard bottle and sipping from it. A few people shot him a disgusted look, but they forced their attention back to the board.

"The football team would greatly benefit going to a summer camp in order to become the leading football team in the sector." She pointed to a few numbers on the board that vaguely resembled something to do with financing.

"But Betty" Spoke up the parent on Sans' right, "didn't we decide last year that the field trip for the school would be to that obs-" Betty quickly interrupted the other parent with a quick scoff.

"Please, Jane, we know you and your little group of space nerds want to try and see one of those-those, er, what's the name, oh yes! One of those Spocks from Star Wars, but the football team has vast room for improvement that I think will benefit this entire school."

"That's….that's not-" Jane sighed and simply facepalmed, "Kudos for trying, Anderson" She mumbled, rolling her eyes. Sans snorted, glad to see he wasn't the only one who was being rubbed the wrong way with this Betty chick.

"what exactly's so important about this football thing?" Sans asked, knowing full well what football was. Betty, and half the room, turned their heads toward him with almost…..offended(?!) facial expressions.

"Football, Mister uuhh-" Betty trailed off, waiting for Sans to give her a last name. Sans had a brief moment of internally debating whether or not he should give her his real name, or a ridiculously fake name to give her.

After a brief flashback of the front desk lady, he opted for his real name. "sans." He said with a two finger salute "sans the skeleton." Betty nodded "Football, Mister Skeleton-" Sans barely restrained a laugh "-is an essential part of human life for growing children."

"Football -the American version, that is- insinuates a great deal of manliness and bravado healthy to a growing boy's demeanor." She said haughtily, "Which is why my son Frank and I believe that a football camp will be beneficial for this year's 6th grade class."

Sans simply stared at the woman. That did not answer his question in the least. "why? your kid's so bad at his favorite sport he needs a summer tutoring session?" The words were out of his mouth before he had time to register them.

Normally, in the Underground, a slip of the tongue would've earned him a smack of some kind (most normally came from his brother who was just done™ overall), and Sans braced for the reaction he expected.

But when Jane and three others burst out in obnoxious laughter, Sans felt himself relax a bit. Betty's face looked horrified and utterly **e** **d** , but it was so hilarious, that Sans felt himself turning into a ball of chuckles and cackles.

Flowey even let out some loud snickers as the room slowly descended into a laughing fit. Oooohhh, this was going to be a lot more fun that Sans originally thought.

* * *

"So yeah, that's how I came to work wearing an Ahsoka Tano thing." You said, concluding the exciting and thrilling saga of your life as a married woman. Logan whistled and scratched at his neck. "Dang, you've been busy." He said dryly.

You huffed and swallowed the last piece of your food "Ya don't say," You teased, Elisa snickered and collected everyone's trash before throwing it out. "Well, you're back home, so what's the plan?" She asked.

You raised an eyebrow quizzically "Plan?" You repeated, she nodded "Yeah, you gonna try to be friends with your husband, gonna keep avoiding him like he's a weird roommate, orrrrr…" She trailed off and you simply shrugged.

"Ugh, we've been avoiding each other like weird roommates for the past month." You commented, "And?" Elisa said, silently asking for an elaboration. "It takes too much effort." You deadpanned. Logan huffed and punched your shoulder lightly "Everything's too much effort with you!"

You grinned and did a hair flip "That's because I'm too fabulous for me to handle!" Logan rolled his eyes and groaned while Elisa laughed. You giggled along with them for a minute before standing "Speaking of effort" You pointed in the direction of the front of the building "How long has that group of protestors been there?"

Logan and Elisa let out a long "uuuuhhhh" before counting on their fingers, doing mental math. "Pretty much since you got married" Logan said "No, no, no," Elisa interjected "The day she got married there wasn't anything but angry spam e-mails, and the occasional media message with the company tagged on it. The week after, people began showing up on the sidewalk doing speeches with the microphone and a speaker-"

"An obnoxious speaker," Logan added, Elisa nodded in agreement and continued "Then after a day or two, people began showing up with signs and er…loudly expressed their displeasure."

"Oh," You said, internally grimacing. This was gonna be _fun_ to straighten out. "Has anyone called the cops on 'em yet?" You asked, your two co-workers shook their heads. "I called and asked Chief Bruns if he was allowed to do anything," Logan offered "But he said that since the citizens weren't causing any damage, and allowed workers to get in, that they weren't obstructing anything and could legally remain there."

You sighed and rubbed your temples, "Welp. Here goes nothing." You mumbled "Er, boss?" Logan stopped you with a quick tap to your shoulder "Yeah?" Logan pointed to your head "You planning on going out to face a mob half dressed as Ahsoka?"

You pursed your lips together in thought. Papyrus _did_ say you had to wear it all week long. But then again, you weren't a child playing Truth or Dare which meant utter shame and humiliation if you backed out of a dare….

On the other hand…it _did_ make you a little bit more confident -if a bit silly- pretending you were Ahsoka Tano solving galactic disputes or simply reporting what was going on in the universe…

But then again, there was probably some idiot out there that was gonna read into you wearing the cosplay too far and take it to some deranged story. On the other _other_ hand… _Eh, why not?_ You thought.

"Eh, why not?" You shrugged, "I am on orders from Papyrus to wear it, and it gives me a slight confidence boost soooooo…" Logan and Elisa shared a look but shrugged "Alright, catch ya later then, Master Tano." Elisa teased, flicking the Padawan beads dangling off the lekku.

You snorted and did your best Jedi bow, "Thank you, Master Sass." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from Elisa and Logan. You waved goodbye and headed towards the elevator, once you were inside, you entered the desired floor number and waited for the doors to close.

As the doors were 3 seconds from closing, you saw Logan riding an office chair backwards, holding a green-handle broom stick whiz by at high speed with Elisa pushing him "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, MASTER TANO!"

"OH FOR THE LOVE O-!"

* * *

After that touching farewell, you made it to the lobby without any incidents, and you strolled out to the front desk and stepped in to take a seat beside the current on-duty secretary.

"Hey, Ricky." You greeted, casually flipping through a few papers. He smiled at you when he saw the weird "helmet" you were currently wearing, "Ms. (Last Name)!" The poor man squeaked, his face turning red as he spotted your ID clipped to your shirt. "Hey, hey, easy, tiger." You smiled

"Just (Name), for now, okay?" Ricky nodded and immediately tried to resume his previous posture, but the way he glanced at you every .5 seconds told you the poor guy was too nervous.

This was partly why you almost never wore your ID badge. Everyone got so, so…jumpy around you once they knew the position you held in the company. You preferred it when people spoke to you like a normal co-worker instead of a mysterious figure where you said one wrong thing and could risk being fired.

You smiled kindly at him hoping to ease some of his nerves. "Has anyone come in yet?" You asked, motioning to the crowd of protestors on the steps to the commercial building. "N-no, ma'am!" Ricky stuttered, "A-at least not during my shift, anyway."

You thanked him and began to think on your next step. There was nothing wrong with the crowd simply expressing their opinions….Whatever that was…Speaking of which….

"What exactly are they protesting on?" You asked Ricky, eyeing one particular protestor who had gotten up in front of the crowd with a microphone and portable speaker, pacing up and down the group like a hyped up singer or something.

"Er, well…um…" Ricky fiddled with his sleeves, you were unsure if you should say something, so you kept silent, but made sure to keep your expression soft and encouraging. "They're um, they're protesting _you_ , ma'am."

You blinked, "Come again?" You asked, unsure if you heard him right. "W-well, they're n-not protesting _you_ exactly, they-they're um, more like," Ricky took a steadying breath "I think they're actually protesting your marriage to the uh, monster, uh…"

You saw his nervousness increase when he couldn't recall the name of the guy you were publicly - _very_ publicly- wed to. "Sans Gaster." You supplied for him. He nodded and watched you closely for a reaction.

Well, you can't exactly say you didn't expect this. From the moment the king announced your betrothal, you've been the recipient of multiple hate messages on social media, news stations, and some even went so far as to try and hunt down your work and private e-mail to…express their… _opinions_.

And that was putting it generously.

As with all things controversial, you tried to play pretend and put yourselves in the shoes of one of the protestors. What in particular about the marriage between a human and monster make you so upset you'd join a protesting group in front of the Royal Public Relations building?

After a moment of thinking, you narrowed it down to several things. Over-exaggerated rumors and myths about monster kind would cause a racial-based argument over the marriage. Dislike of an entire other race suddenly integrating themselves into society and "stealing jobs" (*cue physically painful eye roll*). And fear of the unknown.

You knew there was probably more, but from what you could think of, those three had to be the biggest contenders for the reason the protestors were out there. "Ms. (Last Name)?" A professional voice cut you out of your thoughts, and you were greeted with the sight of one of the security members standing in front of the desk.

"Can I help you?" You asked, standing, the guard nodded and motioned to the door. "The ringleader of the group of protestors outside is requesting your audience."

You and Ricky shared a look. "D-don't go outside, ma'am!" Ricky said quickly, "Th-they seem p-pretty angry, y-you could get hurt!" You smiled and elbowed him "Ah, don't worry about, Ricky. I've got this one watching my back" You motioned to the guard who nodded.

"And besides, this won't be the first protest I've broken up." You added, stepping out from behind the desk. You nodded to the guard, signaling you were ready to face the people, and he nodded back.

Walking behind him, the guard cautiously pushed open one of the glass doors, with you closely behind. As you stepped out, two other guards came and flanked you on either side, offering you full protection.

"There she is!" The guy with the microphone shouted, pointing an accusing finger at you. "That's the traitor!"


	10. Chapter 10 - Conflicts

**RandomHuman447: I think we did a bit of both XD**

* * *

"Traitor?" You repeated, slightly offended "The heck did _I_ do?!" Normally you'd use a bit more professional language, buuuuuuuut to be completely honest, you were brain dead and didn't want to spend extra energy politely telling people to stop being stupid.

"You made a pact with the enemy!" The lead protestor accused, the crowd let out a howl of agreement while you just crossed your arms "You know we're not at war, right?" You said firmly, trying not to be demeaning.

"To call all monsters enemies is a generalized statement that is completely inaccurate." Welp….so much for not eloquently telling people they're stupid…

The crowd was silent for a few seconds before "Y-you still agreed to the treaty!" The leader shouted "Monsters can't be trusted! They'll kill us all when we're least expecting it!"

The crowd roared to life again and you resisted a facepalm. "How do you know?" You asked, keeping your voice level. So far it looked like the crowd was just releasing a lot of pent up energy from the initial reaction to the wedding and looked as if they had forgotten the reason they were mad, but still wanted to be mad.

"Th-they're monsters! They eat kids and steal souls!" The leader shouted, before your self-control could activate, you said: "That would imply that you actually _have_ a soul worth stealing, sir." The crowd became a mixture of outright laughter, hidden snorts and shouts of aggression.

The leader's face had turned red and looked ready to spring. "You- you-!" No more words were said when he suddenly launched himself forward, hands clawing for your face. You were yanked backwards suddenly by one of the guards to your side, and the one in front stepped forward to catch the assailant.

"Miss, it's time you go back inside." The guard said, practically dragging you back inside as the crowd burst into a random mess. You tried tugging the guards in with you, hoping they wouldn't get caught in the mess outside.

You successfully grabbed 2 out of the 3 guards with the third one following closely holding a raging man in his arms. The crowd outside wasn't dangerous per se, but if someone went outside, they would risk the possibility of being dragged into the crowd and not being released until they ran out of energy.

"M-m-miss (Y/n)!" Ricky shouted, running over to you from the desk, "Miss, are you alright? Are you hurt?" The poor kid stuttered, nodding your head you informed him you were okay, then whisked the screaming adult into a holding room.

And by holding room, you mean a vacant meeting room with the blinds up. The more people who saw you all having a civil(ish) conversation the better. At least, that's how you originally thought of it.

The deranged man, whom you'd taken the liberty to call him Howler. Get it? Cuz he's screaming like a Howler Monkey? _Ba dum tss_. Hehe, sorry.

Anyway, Howler wouldn't stop screaming obscenities and various threats at you and the two guards currently standing right next to him, while the third one went and phoned the police to stop by and pick him up.

Speak of the devil, the door to the meeting room opened and in walked in the guard who had originally restrained Howler, William, his name tag said. "So?" You asked, silently requesting the ETA of the police.

"Cops'll be here in about a half hour." He reported tiredly "Half hour!?" You repeated, slightly shocked. After all, the police station was only 10-15 minutes away! William simply nodded "Yeah, apparently a lot of people have been calling in reports about monster violence this or monster-human scuffle that, so they've been swamped."

You outwardly groaned and facepalmed. Of course people were taking the whole human-monster kingdom mashup pretty hard. After all, what were they supposed to do? Act like a decent human being and just accept the monsters for who they were instead of judging them.

You internally winced, maybe saying "decent human being" was a little to ironic here. "So…what are we supposed to do with this one?" William asked, nodding his head at the man who had now taken to angry pouting.

You shrugged "Well, since we have no legal rights to question Howler-" William interrupted you with a confused expression "Howler?" He asked, you nodded "He's refused to tell us his real name, so instead of referring to him as John Doe, I've taken to calling him 'Howler'."

William looked back and forth between you and his two men, silently asking for validation. "I suggested we called him 'Wine', sir." The guard to the right of Howler offered with a slight shrug.

"Pssh, yeah right." The guard to the left snorted "And insult the sacred name of alcohol?" He said, feigning injury "I think not." Between them, Howler fumed. "I AM NOT AN INSULT TO WINE, YOU DONUT EATING TAX-STEALERS!"

In complete, unpracticed unison, you and the guards inhaled like you would if you walked into a fresh bakery and said "Mmmm, doonuuuutss!" Howler looked offended, and then his stomach growled, making him embarrassed as well.

Deciding to spare Howler from further self-embarrassment, you said "Hey, what time is it anyway?" William pulled out his phone and informed you of the current time being too late for lunch but too early for dinner.

Stupid three meals a day rule.

Ah well, poor Howler's probably been out there protesting past lunch, so you decided to have some mercy and opted to go out and buy a box of donuts. You met some protesting with the guards, but you quickly dismissed their worries and made your way to the car and headed down to the local donut place.

You managed to get to the donut shop with no complications, and you returned with plenty of time to spare before the cops arrived. One of the guards had gone on break during the time you had gone out so you were greeted with a new face when you walked in.

Opening the donut box, you slid it over to Howler who regarded you with a venomous look. "Hungry?" You asked, trying to brush off the look "Go ahead and have something to eat." You then gestured to the guards also with you in the room, "You guys can have some too. My treat!" You stated as you sat criss-crossed on the table. Hey, this was your company, you ate where you wanted.

You plucked out your favorite donut flavor from the assorted flavors and began slowly munching, mainly just eating to pass the time since you were still slightly full from lunch.

The guard exchanged a look with each other then at William who shrugged and took a donut for himself. The other two exchanged one more look before bending down and taking one for themselves.

"So what's the ETA now, William?" You asked after swallowing a chunk of the sweet bread. William pulled back his sleeve so he could properly see his watch "Ooohh, any minute no-"

William was interrupted by a loud _BANG_ as the door was thrown open to reveal…..Papyrus?

"WHERE IS HE?" The tall skeleton demanded, strutting into the room with his head held high. Several things occurred at the same time, one was William had been scared so bad he had dropped his donut and pulled out his gun.

At the same time, Howler sprung up and resumed his screaming while the two guards on either side of him reacted in two different ways: one immediately latched on to Howler like they were watching a horror movie, while the other stood between Howler and Papyrus.

The third thing to happen was that several police men followed by a tall fish-woman strode into the room, all having various reactions to the scene in front of them.

When you saw the gun pointed at Papyrus, you immediately leapt off the table and stood in between Papyrus and William, arms spread between them like that Jurassic World meme. And quite honestly, you felt like Owen Grady wrangling a bunch of Velociraptors.

"Put the gun down!" You ordered, along with several of the cops (a few had drawn their own guns out of habit but immediately began holstering their weapons). "Easy, William! Easy!" You said, walking slowly to him, "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE!?" A gruff female voice demanded, "J-just a misunderstanding!" You replied without thinking, William met your gaze and he paled.

He tried stuttering out an apology as he put away his weapon, face flushed with embarrassment but also pale at what he could've done just then.

"HUMAN!" Papyrus yelled, making you jump slightly as he had come closer to you "WHERE IS THE ONE KNOWN AS 'CHEERIO JOHNSON'?" You blinked at him, for someone who just got a gun pointed at him, he was very calm. "Uh, Cheerio Johnson?" You repeated.

"Yeah, he's the guy we got the call to bring in for questioning." The fish-lady said, shoving a smaller cop out of her way. This gal was huge and made you feel like a dwarf. Her arms were pretty thick with muscle and she was about an inch taller than Papyrus (counting his heels but not her ponytail).

"H-H-HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME!?" Howler suddenly screeched, now cowering behind the guard who had ceased clinging to Howler in fright. "S-SEE WHAT I MEAN!? THE FREAKS ARE SPYING ON US!" He pointed frantically between the two monsters whilst simultaneously trying to sink out of the glare range.

"SOON TH-THEY'LL HAVE US ALL WATCHED AND MONITORED LIKE SOME KIND OF LAB RATS!" Well, you gotta give props to this dude. Even when he was cornered by several cops, two dangerous looking monsters, and his own stupidity, he was still advertising his agenda.

Sighing loudly you turned to one of the nearby cops who you recognized as Chief Cody "Should I tell him about Big Brother or should you?" You asked with a playful grin. Chief Cody merely rolled his eyes and stepped forward, taking his cuffs out of his belt.

"Cheerio Johnson, you have the right to remain silent." Chief said, taking Howler -er Cheerio? Yeah, no, you're gonna stick with Howler- from the guards as he read his Miranda rights. "Wait a minute." The fish woman (you later learned her name to be Undyne) said, holding her hand up.

"We're under orders to bring him to the palace. Queen's orders." She said firmly, as if she was used to being in a position of high authority. Chief Cody shook his head "I understand, ma'am, but we gotta take him in for processing first. He's wanted for involuntary manslaughter."

You winced at first until a single thought popped into your mind and forced its way out of your mouth. "Okay wait, time out." You said, making the time out signal with your hands "Your name is Cheerio," You said, pointing at Howler who merely glared "And your wanted for killing someone."

"(Y/n), no." Chief Cody said quickly. "Does this make you a _cereal_ killer?" You said with a Grinch-sized grin on your face. The room burst into various reactions, ranging from undignified snorts (mainly from your security guards) to loud agonized screeching (Papyrus).

Howler was in the middle as he began cursing your name to the ninth circle of hell and back as he was dragged out of the room by Chief Cody and a few others. Undyne rolled her one good eye -you now realized she was wearing an eyepatch and you thought it was the coolest thing ever- and nudged Papyrus with her elbow. "C'mon, Paps, we gotta follow these guys. We still got our orders to follow."

"I DON'T SEE WHY WE DON'T JUST TAKE HIM FROM THEM AND RUN, IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CAN KEEP UP WITH MY RUNNING SPEED!" Papyrus huffed, examining his fingernails through his red gloves. Undyne rolled her eye again before shaking her head and grabbing Papyrus by the shoulder and practically dragging the skeleton monster along.

You exchanged a look of confusion and slight awe with your security guards as the crowd made its way out the door and exited the building. "Well, uh, at ease I guess." You joked lightly "Oh uh, you guys can take that to your breakroom if you want." You said, pointing at the donut box "Suh-weet!" One guard shouted, immediately diving for another.

" _Daniels_!" His colleague shouted, slapping his friend's wrist. "Ow!" Daniels said, not hurt but offended he was stopped from eating his precious donuts. You chuckled lightly at them before striding up next to William who tried to apologize for his earlier actions.

You told him not to worry about it, assuring him you'd have done the same thing if you were in his position and walked out the door after giving him a quick reassurance that this wasn't gonna go on his permanent record and that he wasn't going to lose his job.

* * *

The PTA meeting had run a little short due to a certain conflict involving Sans, Betty and the comment of "it ain't smart to use the school's money to send your kid on vacation so you can get that brain enhancer you so need".

So now here Sans was, walking towards the playground area he saw on his way in. (The PTA meet was supposed to go till the end of lunch, but it was called off early with roughly a half hour until the end of the lunch period).

And under his obligation to give Flowey back to Frisk before calling for Papyrus to pick him up, Sans found himself awkwardly nodding a hello at a middle-aged woman while trying to find Frisk in the crowd of running and screaming kids ranging from the 1st grade to the 6th grade.

"There they are!" Flowey suddenly cried out, pointing in the direction of the sandbox. Sans followed Flowey's gesture to see Frisk in their classic red and black striped shirt molding a….snow poff? In the sand with a girl who appeared to be a year younger, adding various sticks and grass leaves in the snow, er, sand poff.

Sans, shrugging off any weird or frightened stares he got, walked over to Frisk, stopping behind them so his shadow loomed menacingly over the kid and their friend.

"h e y, y." Sans growled, making his eye lights go out. "d o n' t' l? d." Frisk, in the spirit of drama slowly stood, forcing a fake tremor into their hands as they shakily turned around to follow Sans' request.

The little girl behind Frisk looked absolutely terrified and Sans became vaguely aware of a little crowd he had drawn. Frisk, now fully facing Sans, allowed their face to contort into one of pretend fear before suddenly launching themselves into Sans' arms.

 _PPPPPPPVVVVVVVVVVTTTTTTTTTT_

Sans howled with laughter as Frisk clung to his neck and wrapped their little legs around Sans as best they could, also tearing up with laughter. "Must you two be like this?" Flowey asked dryly, hopping off Sans' arm and back to the ground.

"ah, the ol' whoopie cushion in the jacket trick, classic." Sans said, wiping a red tear from his eye socket, laughter rang out from other kids who were close enough to hear the whoopie cushion and Sans found himself smiling a little bit.

"so, kiddo, what'cha up to?" He asked, sitting down on the grass after he set Frisk back down in the sand. "Sand castles!" Firsk said proudly, showing off the mound of dry sand they had proclaimed to be a castle.

"that's a castle?" Sans said in utter disbelief, "W-w-w-we d-don't ha-ave w-water t-t-to mak-ke th-the c-castle s-s-stay up-p." Frisk's friend stuttered out, Sans regarded the smaller kid with an indifferent glance while Frisk stood to give their friend a hug "Don't worry, Amy," Frisk said comfortingly "Sans won't hurt you."

Firsk suddenly grinned which made Sans react with a warning look. "In fact, Sans is nothing more than a big, giant, boney teddy bear." They said with a smug look on their face. "i am not!" Sans protested, fully offended as a light red dust traveled across his face.

"Are so!" Frisk giggled, "Watch this!" They said to Amy before launching themselves into Sans arms once more. Sans huffed as Frisk collided with his chest and began climbing him like some kind of tree.

"hey, hey, hey! whaddya think you're doin'?" Sans protested, trying to get Frisk to stop while not completely throwing the kid off him. Frisk made a point to poke his nasal cavity once as they shimmied up his chest and swung a leg around his head so they were sitting on his shoulders with their head plopped comfortably on his skull.

"See?" Frisk said, patting Sans "If he wasn't a giant teddy bear he wouldn't let me have done that!" Amy nodded but didn't seem convinced. "you have ten seconds to get down from there before i take evasive maneuvers, kid." Sans said threateningly.

Amy's fear rose up again, but Frisk remained confident. "Oh yeah?" They said, shuffling around to achieve maximum comfort, "What are you gonna do about it, punk?" They said, softly noogie-ing the skeleton.

"or i'll do _this_!" Sans growled, using his magic to turn Frisk's soul red and gently slamming them to the grass so he could assault their sides, stomach, and neck with tickles. Frisk squealed in delight and tried clawing at Sans' boney fingers to no avail.

Amy rushed forward without hesitating "Me too, me too!" She cried, bouncing up and down, attacking Sans' arm with her tiny little hands "I wanna have Tickle Time too!"

* * *

 **Note: Sorry there wasn't much Sans in this chapter, but I promise we're heading towards plot! Also, I'm a sucker for Fell!Sans playing with kids in case you couldn't tell XD**


	11. Chapter 11- Routines

"I want Tickle Time too!" Amy insisted, a grin on her little face as she experimentally tickled Sans' bony elbow. Sans paused his ticklish assault on Frisk to give the little girl a scary but playful smirk. "you sure you up to that, squirt?" He growled, fear flashed across Amy's eyes but quickly formed a smile when her eyes met Frisk's.

"Yes!" Amy said firmly, suddenly launching after his bony neck, "oi!" Sans cried out as he caught the girl in his arms and more-or-less flopped backwards, not expecting her to jump on him to prove her point.

Frisk immediately cackled and with their loudest voice declared "TICKLE FIGHT!" Before proceeding to jump onto Sans' non-existent belly and pin a single arm so Amy could attack Sans.

Being the mature and dangerous skeleton monster he was, Sans let out a single, high-pitched, and very undignified shriek as he jacket sleeve was forcefully rolled up by Frisk who then pointed out the space between his ulna and radius was extremely sensitive to Amy who promptly assaulted them with her tiny little fingers.

Frisk simply cackled evilly as a few of the braver children came up to the skeleton monster and joined in on the tickling. Sans began shouting empty but loud threats as the kids tickled him, making sure his kicks and arm swings were soft enough to only cause light bruising.

After a few seconds of having his bones being attacked by small, grubby (and sometimes sticky) fingers, a loud gym whistle sounded, causing Sans and the kids to stop their little war. As if trained to do so, all the kids -save for Frisk and Amy who had gotten trapped in his arms- immediately took three giant steps back, forming a circle around Sans.

"Get back! Get back!" A stern male voice sounded, shoving his way through the knee-high crowd of human children. Kids began taking a few more steps back and some had run off or had taken to hiding in the nearby playground equipment. Sans felt Frisk and Amy's grip on his arms tighten slightly and Sans -despite this being a school- immediately readied himself to kick someone's butt.

The man with the whistle, whom Sans identified as a gym teacher (the eye-searing booty sport shorts and whistle were a dead giveaway) came up and shoo'd off some more kids before turning to Sans to give the skeleton a stern look that borderlined scolding and glaring.

"what's up, doc?" Sans said dryly, moving to a sitting position so the kids he was holding sat comfortably(ish) on his bony lap. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the campus." The gym teacher stated. Well, at least he didn't beat around the bush. Sans had to give him kudos for that.

Instead of giving a snarky response, Sans merely moved Frisk aside a bit and pointed at the name tag on his jacket that was -miraculously- still on his clothes. "hate to break it to ya, buddy, but i got clearance."

"I'm sorry, sir, but you need to leave all the same." The teacher said, not giving any hint if the reason Sans needed to leave was due to class time resuming, or if because Sans had interacted with the precious human spawns.

"W-w-why?" Amy spoke up, gripping Sans' arm tighter, "M-M-Mister Sk-k-kelet-t-ton h-hasn't d-done anyth-thing wrong, M-Mister T-Tanka." Sans gave the little girl's waist a comforting squeeze and held her closer. _easy kiddo,_ He was silently saying to her _you're doing a good job. just breathe._

Sans felt Amy relax a little bit, and a brief surge of pride flashed in his SOUL. Mr. Tanka shook his head and shrugged "Sorry, kid, orders are orders." Was all he said, Sans and Frisk shared a look 'Orders, huh?' was their single thought.

Sans and Frisk twisted their heads around to see none other than…Eben? No, uh, Ellen? No, no, no…uuurrggh! C'mon, Sans' brain! You know how to remember names! What was the lady's name? She was the one that smelled like someone sprayed lemon scented candles on burnt toast to disguise it as food!

Helen! That was her name!

Helen, whom Sans had just met thanks to the PTA meeting, was standing with her arms crossed defensively, giving Sans the stink eye all the way across the playground. Amy tensed up while Frisk slumped their shoulders. Sans stuck with merely rolling his eye lights before releasing his prisoners.

"alright, chief, i get the hint." He said, standing up "none o' you want a dirty monster touchin' your precious kids, i get it." Shame briefly crossed Mr. Tanka's face "Th-that's not it at all, sir, I'm just-"

"following orders, i know, i've heard that one before." Sans said grumpily, shoving one hand in his pocket and using the other to give Frisk an affectionate hair ruffle. "later, kiddo." He said, throwing Frisk a wink who responded with a hair toss and a wink of their own. "you too, squirt." Sans lightly noogied Amy's head with his knuckles before teleporting outside the gates.

As the kids immediately began freaking out at the sheer awesomeness Sans possessed with his teleporting ability, the skeleton saw Mr. Tanka's and Helen's face pale slightly in a mix of fear (Mr. Tanka) and rage (Helen). Giving a smug grin, Sans gave a two-fingered salute before teleporting off and reappearing in the living room of the second floor of his new home.

"boss!" Sans shouted "i'm home!" He called out. But no one answered. "must still be out with undyne or sumthin'." Sans muttered aloud. "yo! squishy!" He hollered, using one of his many nicknames for you. "ya here?!" Once again, no answer.

"heh," Sans chuckled to himself, "got the place allll to myself." He said, fully enjoying the ability to talk to himself out loud and not be judged for it. "now, where'd boss put those mustard bottles."

Wandering around aimlessly a bit, Sans found the spare bedroom, 3 closets, a bathroom, the library (which he snagged 3 books of astronomy from), and the laundry room before _finally_ locating the kitchen.

Sans took a quick shortcut to his room to drop off 2 of the three books he was carrying before coming back to the kitchen and raided the fridge, successfully finding a new Grillby-made bottle of mustard.

With a silent thank you to his brother and Grillby, Sans flicked the cap off and began drinking the condiment as he flipped through the book he had picked up. He had a blissful 3 hours of undisturbed reading when his phone rang.

Sighing in exasperation, Sans put down his book and answered the call. "what?" He said, not bothering to see who was calling him. " _Hello_?" A woman's voice answered him " _Is this Sans Gaster?_ " Sans sighed and rolled his eyes "'course not, sweetcheeks, this is roger rabbit."

The woman's voice grew stern " _Sir, this is a very serious matter. Are you Sans Gaster?_ " Sans tapped his finger on the kitchen counter. Something wasn't right. "…maybe. who's askin'?"

He heard the women on the other line sigh " _My name is Debby Marcias and I'm calling to inform you that one Papyrus Gaster has just been admitted to the Ebott City Community Hospital after suffering from a car crash._ "

Sans blinked slowly, he knew _hospital_ was a cause for worry. In the Underground, one wasn't admitted to the hospital and expected to come out often, but from the two years he's been on the surface, he knew human hospitals specialized in making people who came in go back home alive.

" _Sir?_ " Debby Marcias asked, her voice slightly concerned. " _Sir, are you alright?_ " Sans shook himself out of his stupor and bid the woman goodbye before hanging up and dialing another.

"c'mon, c'mon, pick up you crummy piece of a human." Sans hissed. " _Hello, this is your conscience speaking_." Of course. Sans was slightly panicking and you were cracking a joke. "ha ha, shut up and listen." Sans ordered, not in the mood for bantering.

"i just got a call from the community hospital-"

" _Oh my gosh, are you okay?_ "You interrupted, " _I'm_ fine, it's boss. he got into a car crash and he's been there since." Sans said quickly, " _Car crash!?"_ You exclaimed, if you were in the room, Sans might've smacked you upside the head.

"yeah, a crash, now listen, where's the best place to meet up so you can take me there?" Silence came from the other end and Sans briefly wondered if she hung up. " _…I don't know._ " She said finally, "whaddya mean 'you don't know'!?" Sans suddenly yelled, his anxiety for his brother's safety suddenly spiking.

" _I mean I barely had time to do anything other than get to my car and go to work because_ someone _had to scare the living daylights outta me with a bone spider!_ " You spat back, "well, hurry up and figure something out, then!" Sans snapped back.

" _I_ am _trying to think of something, Einstein!_ " You shot back, Sans heard frantic shuffling from your end of the line as he ran up to his room, grabbed some monster candy and began rushing out the door. The two of you argued back and forth before settling on you just swinging by your home and picking him up and dashing to the hospital.

After 15 minutes of painful waiting, (Y/n) _finally_ drove by their home and stopped long enough for Sans to hop in before speeding off in the direction of the hospital. The entire 30 minute drive was filled with loud arguing about how you were going too slow, or how Sans was overreacting, and generally just verbally berating each other for every little thing like an old married couple.

Upon arriving at the hospital, you and Sans charged into the front desk. Sans, having no idea what to expect in a hospital stood a tad frozen at the doorway. You, on the other hand had been in a hospital before, and figured you should at least check in at the front desk.

Thanking the stars that no one was in line, you nudged Sans and motioned for him to follow you. "Hi, we're here to see Papyrus Gaster." You said confidently to the desk lady. She gave you and Sans a quick double take before grabbing 2 visitor bracelet-things and typing something into her computer.

"Who's visiting?" She asked, "Brother and sister-in-law." You said, mouth feeling a little weird as you referred yourself as a 'sister-in-law'. Even if this was just a political marriage.

The lady nodded and entered one more thing onto her computer "Stick out your right arm, please." You nodded and did as she requested, Sans looked a little confused, but once she put the bracelet on you tugged on it and told him it was basically a "I'm a visitor, don't kick me out" pass.

Sans had rolled his eyes but complied with the front desk lady's order and soon you both were headed up the elevator -thankfully an elevator that was empty- and made your way to Papyrus' room.

There was no need to remember which room number belonged to Papyrus, because you could hear his shouting from the second you got off the elevator. "OF COURSE I KNOW THE BONE'S BROKEN! I'M A SKELETON! YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW A BROKEN BONE WHEN I SEE ONE!?"

"welp, sounds fine to me." Sans muttered, shoulders lightly relaxing in relief as he picked up his pace to reach the hospital room. Walking in, you saw Papyrus was stationed at the farthest end of the room near the window, in a leg cast (complete with the ceiling leg hammock) and a bunch of bandages travelling up and down his arms. A young women was standing next to Papyrus' hospital bed, accompanied by a male nurse.

Beside you, Sans let out a loud snicker "nice dress, bro." He cackled "you look like a sea tea smoothie." Papyrus halted his current argument conversation with the two humans at his bedside to meet his brother's gaze.

"SANS!" If you didn't know any better, you'd say that was relief and joy that crossed his facial expression before being replace with annoyance. "TELL THESE PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR DOCTORS THAT I ONLY NEED A QUICK HOT CAT OR SOMETHING TO FEEL BETTER, NOT THIS STUPID MORPH-LIQUID!"

" _Morphine_." Corrected the exasperated nurse, rubbing a temple on his head. You looked to Sans, unsure of what to do with Papyrus. Sans simply shrugged and walked up to his brother and handed him something from his pocket.

"Er, no outside food, please!" The nurse quickly said, reaching out to stop Sans from handing over whatever it was he was holding. Papyrus gave a loud and frustrated shout "ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I HAVE BEEN IN INTENSE PAIN EVER SINCE YOU CRETINS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PHYSICALY RESET MY BONE INSTEAD OF JUST GIVING ME SOME HEALING-BASED FOOD, AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EAT THE ONLY THING IN THIS ROOM THAT WILL COMPLETELY HEAL ME!?"

All humans shared a quick look of confusion with each other. "…Healing based foods?" You repeated, "Yes, this man has been continuously going on about monster foods like monster candy, glamburgers, and the like." The nurse said tiredly, "He claims they have healing properties which will allow him to recover instantaneously."

"THAT'S BECAUSE IT WILL, YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HEALER!" Papyrus cried, he swiped the object from Sans' still outstretched hand and downed it one bite. "How did you…?" The unfamiliar girl said, stunned to see the food-thing (you were pretty sure it was a candy), _not_ go straight through him.

"Magic." You and Sans said in unison before tossing each other a quick, annoyed expression. Papyrus, who now had full HP, attempted to sit up, only for the doctor to shove him back down. "Sir, please!" The nurse cried in a panic, "You're going to exasperate your injuries!"

Papyrus scoffed and motioned for Sans to help him off the bed "PLEASE, THE ONLY THING I WILL EXASPERATE IS YOU, INGRATE!" Sans lifted his brother's arm around his shoulders "besides, what kinda half-rate hospital ain't got any monster food for quick heals like this?" Sans added with a snarl.

The nurse sighed "Sir, please, we only-!" The nurse was interrupted by another nurse who ran in with a clipboard and a nervous expression. "Er, Mr. Liwo, the Chief of Police wants to see your patients." She whispered loudly.

Everyone in the room shared a quick look of confusion before shrugging. "Let him in, then." Nurse Liwo stated, motioning to the door, the girl nodded and ran back out to fetch the Chief who appeared shortly after.

"Afternoon, everyone." Chief Cody greeted, tugging on the corner of his cap as a hello. Everyone gave various greetings before Chief Cody went down to business. "Was this one-" He pointed to Papyrus "-the only one in the car during the crash?" Nurse Liwo shook his head "No, sir, there was-"

"I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF ANSWERING A SIMPLE QUESTION, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Papyrus interrupted with a sneer before turning to the Chief. "I WAS NOT ALONE IN MY VEHICLE, I WAS TRAVELLING WITH CAPTAIN UNDYNE."

"Undyne?" You repeated, making an eyepatch-shape with your hand. Papyrus nodded. "well if she was with ya in the car, where is she now?" Sans asked, looking around. Nurse Liwo stepped aside and pulled back the curtain that was separating Papyrus' bed from the next bed to reveal Captain Undyne out cold on the bed with all the normal hospital gear hooked up to her.

"woah!" Sans cried out, shock exploding on his face before it was replaced with pure rage. "alright, pal, you've got ten seconds to explain yourself before i turn you into walking swiss cheese." One of his sockets began glowing red, and not the normal pinpricks he normally had.

This one _glowed_ and the excess…magic? Flowed out his eye socket like some kind of red flame. You could tell Sans was merely shocked at Undyne's condition, but _dang_. You didn't think you'd ever be this terrified before.

"N-now, e-easy, sir!" Nurse Liwo stuttered, turning a bit pale. "Son, calm down." Chief Cody said calmly, stepping between Sans and the nurse. "STAND DOWN, SANS!" Papyrus barked, snapping Sans' attention away from the nurse.

"what?" He hissed "undyne's hooked up to something that looked like it freaking crawled outta alphys' _lab_ and you're tellin' me to _stand down_!?" Sensing Sans was mere seconds away from punching someone or avra cadavering someone, you stepped in.

"I-it's alright, Sans, the machines are just monitoring her vitals." You briefly thanked everything good and holy for watching all those TV shows that involved doctor speak, because you began explaining functions and vitals that specific monitors displayed.

At the end of your mini-tour (you really only pointed out 5 of the bazillion things hooked up to her, but it seemed to put Sans a little more at ease), Nurse Liwo spoke up. "W-we have Ms. Und- I mean- _Captain_ Undyne on a morphine drip, th-that's why she's very still."

"the heck is morphine?" Sans asked, the glowing eye disappearing but a distrusting expression remained, hard as ever. "It's a type of drug used to help, uhm, lessen the pain of any injuries sustained in the body." Nurse Liwo explained.

Sans cast one more glare at the nurse before looking back at Papyrus who shook his head slightly. Sans responded with a simple scoff and shoved his hands in his pockets. "whatever. your story sounds believable, but don't think for a second that i won't be watching you, pal."

Nurse Liwo paled again and stepped back a bit. "Er, was there something you needed to discuss, Chief?" You said, hoping to avoid a confrontation or awkward silence. Chief Cody nodded "My boys just got back to me after a quick inspection of the crash site."

Chief looked at Papyrus with a solemn look. "Sir. You're lucky to be alive. That 'crash' wasn't an accident."

* * *

 **Note: GUESS WHO JUST SURVIVED WINTER SEMESTER CLASSES *points to myself* DIS CHICK!**

 **YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TO DO NOW? I gotta go back to freaking 8 am classes on Monday for Spring Semester, that's what T_T**


	12. Chapter 12 - The Plot Thickens

**septicsans15: Don't worry! Aside from a deeply injured pride the Great and Terribly Papy and Captain Undyne are fine-ish. As for what the Reader and Sansy will be doing...you'll have to wait and seeeee~ XD (You weren't rambling at all, I actually had a big grin when I read your comment! 3)**

 **RandomHuman447: Hehehehehe, it's a taaaaaad bit more screwed up than that *evil laugh***

* * *

"REALLY? I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA." Was Papyrus' only response. The room went silent for a split second before someone said "R-really?" The chief said, stunned. "WELL, DUH!" Papyrus scoffed with a quick toss of his hand "AS IF SOMEONE AS GREAT AND TERRIBLE AS I COULD GET IN A MEASLEY CAR CRASH THAT WASN'T STAGED!"

Everyone shared a quick look of confusion. "well, y'ain't wrong, bro." Sans said "you are the best driver i know." He flattered, completely ignoring his near-death experience earlier that day.

"OF COURSE I AM, BROTHER!" Papyrus said haughtily, "HOWEVER, I AM CURIOUS WHAT MEASELY HUMAN TECHNIQUE YOU USED TO FIGURE OUT SUCH AN OBVIOUS FACT!"

Chief Cody looked at you, hoping to make some sense of the situation. Unfortunately you were just as lost as him, so you shrugged and motioned to Papyrus. "Right, yes, uhm well first of all, the location of the crash site is very sketchy."

"Sketchy _how?"_ You asked, raising an eyebrow, "Well your friend here-"

"WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!" Wow, thanks. Love you too.

"Er, sorry? Your, uh…."

"Brother-in-law."

"I AM NOT YOUR BRO-!...WAIT…."

"actually…."

"SHUT UP, SANS!"

You sighed and shook your head, feeling a smile creep onto your face. "Anyway, Chief, what were you saying?" Chief Cody nodded and handed you an envelope he was holding. "Here are the pictures from the crash site."

Deciding Papyrus and Sans would want to see these first, you handed the envelope to them and allowed the Chief to explain. "Well, for starters, the crash site was oddly reclusive, you know that old section of town that was declared uninhabitable due to structural problems?"

You nodded your head. Everyone knew about that area of town. It was originally supposed to be a set apart area for outreach. Like for senior homes, clinics, homeless and poverty soup kitchens and orphanages and stuff like that.

The place was cleared off and building began back in the 1990's but sometime around 2003, there was a bunch of tornadoes and animal/insect infestations that resulted in the entire area being declared unfit for habitation.

Not that that stopped people from going there for parties or paint ball games or for filming apocalyptic sceneries, or for just doing stunts on all the broken and abandoned buildings.

People often blamed the destruction of the town for being the closest part of the Makiisa capital for being the closest to Mt. Ebott the (assumed) cursed mountain. You, being suspicious of anything labelled "cursed" without sufficient evidence always believed that it was just a bunch of bad timing and misplaced foods that brought in all the infestations.

But that was besides the point. Sure, this area of town (often called "Cauldron" by the natives) had it's myths and stuff, but the real question was why someone would try to use this area to harm Papyrus, and more importantly…."Papyrus, why the heck were you even _in_ this part of town?"

Papyrus suddenly fidgeted in his bed. "TH-THAT IS NO CONCERN OF YOURS!" He said, flushing red as he crossed his arms. "THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS HAS HIS REASONS FOR GOING TO A SECLUDED AND HARDLY EVER DRIVEN ON PLACE!"

Ah, you know what he was doing there. "Ah, lemme guess!" You said giving Papyrus a knowing smirk "Avoiding Rush Hour traffic?" Papyrus' jaw hung so low you almost feared it would fall right off. "Wait, you do that too!?" The mystery girl had asked, suddenly making everyone jump.

She had been so silent you had forgotten she was there. "Oh, s-sorry!" She squeaked, shoving her hands in her pockets as her face lit up with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Miss." Chief said, extending his hand "What's your name and your relation to these two?" He asked, motioning to Sans and Papyrus.

"O-oh, I-I'm Chell Citra. I was the one who h-heard the crash and called the ambulance." She said, shakily grabbing his hand. "I see, and what were you doing there?" Chief asked, trying to decide whether or not she should be here for the discussion about the case. "I-I was, uhm…" Her face exploded into more color before saying "I-I was doing a LARP w-with my sister and her friends using paintball guns since n-none of us h-had um, lightsabers."

"Awww!" You gushed "That's sweet of you!" Chell blushed brightly and mouthed a 'thank you'. "YES, YES, VERY KIND, _WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE_?!" Papyrus shrieked angrily. "I-I-I'm sorry I w-was just-"

"YOU HAVE ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL OF DEPOSITING ME IN THE HANDS OF THESE INCOMPITENT HEALERS!" Papyrus growled " _Papyrus_!" You hissed, crossing your own arms and giving him your best version of the Mom Look™ you could summon.

Papyrus blinked at you in surprise before matching your glare with one of his own. "WHAT?" He barked "She's just trying to help, back off!" You defended.

"WELL WHAT IF I DON'T WANT HER HELP!"

"Oh yes, you made that _very_ clear when you crashed and knocked yourself out."

"THAT CRASH WAS AN ATTACK ON MY PERSONAL SAFETY AND WASN'T MY FAULT! I COULD'VE GOTTEN HERE MYSELF!"

"Sure, and-"  
"Are you both done yet?" Chief Cody placed his hands on his hips and gave you both a disappointed look. "We have an assassin here to find, and neither of you are helping." Pouting, you mumbled a quick apology while Papyrus just scoffed and stayed silent.

Sighing, Chief rubbed his temples and turned to Chell "Sorry, Miss, but I'll have to ask you to leave. This is a sensitive case and we don't want to get you involved." Chell nodded and did a quick once-over of the room to make sure all her stuff was in her purse and nodded a quick goodbye. "Hope you and your friend get better soon, Mr. Papyrus." She said meekly before rushing out of the room.

"I AM COMPLETELY FINE!" Papyrus bellowed at her disappearing form. As soon as Papyrus said those words the nurse rolled his eyes "You _seem_ to be fine, sir." He said firmly "But we'd like to keep you and Miss Undy-"

" _CAPTAIN_ UNDYNE!"

"Sorry, we'd like to keep you and Captain Undyne overnight just to be sure there isn't any internal organ damage or concussions." He said, motioning to Undyne who was still out cold. Papyrus smirked widely and pointed at the nurse. "JOKES ON YOU, PATHETIC HUMAN! I AM A SKELTON! I HAVE NO BRAIN, NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!"

Papyrus continued cackling and placed his hands on his non-existent stomach like he was doing a belly laugh. Beside him, Sans broke out into loud guffaws and you felt your face turning red with trying to resist laughing.

The nurse simply looked like he needed to down a full bottle of Advil to get rid of his headache and Chief Cody was struggling to keep a straight face. "Getting back to business" The chief said, trying to keep himself together.

"We do need official statements from you and your captain, Mr. Gaster." Chief said "IT'S CAPTAIN PAPYRUS TO YOU, HUMAN!" The said skeleton corrected. "I'm….sorry?" Chief said, confused.

"there's two of us 'mr. gaster's, bub." Sans pointed out, "YES, AND I'M CAPTAIN BECAUSE UNDYNE IS UNFIT FOR DUTY WHICH MEANS I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, AM NOW CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD! NYEHEHEHEHEHEH!"

Well _hello_ , Starscream.

You had to physical restrain yourself from laughing by biting your tongue.

"Right." Chief said, unamused "Moving on, Captain Papyrus, if you really were healed by that thing you ate, would you allow the doctor to clear you so you can assist in this investigation?"

Papyrus tapped his chin before sighing "VERY WELL, SINCE IT WILL BE THE ONLY WAY TO GET THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HEALER TO BELIEVE THAT MONSTER CANDY IS TRULY THE SUPERIOR HEALING TECHNIQUE AND NOT THIS STUPID MORF-IDE!"

" _Morphine_!" Everyone corrected in unison. "WHATEVER!" Papyrus huffed, Chief turned to the nurse "How long would it take you to clear him?" He asked, the nurse shrugged "We just admitted him less than 2 hours ago, if you want him to be discharged it will take a while. 6 hours, maybe."

"6 HOURS!" Papyrus wailed "UNACCEPTABLE!" The nurse shrugged "Sorry, it's the rules." Chief Cody nodded "Can you at least see if there's someone willing to discharge him now?" A shrug was his only answer. "I'll see what I can do, in the meantime, just make yourselves comfortable."

You inwardly died. Waiting in a hospital was the _worst_. There was hardly anything to do, the smell was weird, the chairs were either stiff or lumpy (no in between), everything looked like it was sterile but your mom's voice told you it was infested with germs, and just…everything was urgh.

As everyone tried to situate themselves for a 6 hour wait (mainly consisting of Papyrus complaining and Sans giving dry and condescending commentary about everything) a man in a business suit holding a briefcase walked in and shoved a business card in the Chief's hand.

"Hello, sir, my name is Shane Spentz, and I'm a private investigator, and I'd like to take this case." He said firmly, like he expected Chief to hand the case over on a silver platter.

You and Chief shared a look with each other then Papyrus and Sans "Did you guys call him here?" Chief asked, Sans gave Mr. Spentz a guarded look which told you he didn't, and Papyrus just flat out said: "WHY WOULD I CALL A MORONIC FLESHBAG WITH A BRAIN CAPACITY OF WINDOWS 7 TO INVESTIGATE MY CASE WHEN _I_ CAN DO THAT MYSELF?"

You allowed yourself a loud snort at that one and didn't regret it even when Chief threw you a disciplining look. "I….understand your….reluctance, _Captain_ " Mr. Spenctz said slowly, "But I can assure you, my services would be in your best business."

Creepy. How'd he know Papyrus' recent, self-proclaimed promotion?

"HMMPH, FOR SOMEONE OBVIOUSLY LACKING IN BRAINS-" Dude, you literally _just_ said you had no brains "-YOU SEEM VERY WELL INFORMED!"

You studied Papyrus' face, you didn't know him very well, but you'd think he'd know a scam when he sees one. Mr. Spentz smiled and did a small bow "Thank you, Captain." You and Sans shared a look. His face was neutral, but you knew from experience that the flickering eye lights meant he didn't trust this Spentz guy and was most likely thinking of punching him.

And quite honestly, you felt the same way. This guy's appearance was too convenient and the fact he just waltzed right into this room was just plain creepy.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Spentz," You said as you stood up, "But I think we got this." Mr. Spentz gave you a familiar, teeth-grinding look. "Thank you, little miss" He said condescendingly "But I think it is up to Captain Papyrus here, don't you think?"

You threw him an unrestrained glare and matched his mocking smile. "You haven't been hired by him, Einstein." You spat "You have no right to be here and th-"

"YOU'RE HIRED!" Papyrus suddenly cut in. "What!?" Everyone cried in shock (save for Mr. Spentz who shook off his shock and quickly replaced it with a smug grin). Papyrus simply smirked and held his head high "YOU HEARD ME, WHELPS!" He said, "bro, you sure that's a good idea?" Sans grunted, not even bothering to hide the distrust.

"he looks like an overpriced paper bag, if you ask me." He hissed, glaring at Mr. Spentz. "AND THAT IS WHERE YOUR SMALL-THINKING PROCESS FAILS YOU, SANS!" Papyrus bragged "WE LET THE 'OVERPRICED PAPER BAG' DO ALL THE HARDWORK FOR US!"

Well…..you couldn't argue with that logic, but weren't Private I's expensive? "Thank you, Captain." Mr. Spentz said smoothly "I have no doubts you'll be satisfied with my work." He moved to shake Papyrus' hand but Sans stepped between them.

"look pal, I dunno what youre game is here, but we ain't payin' ya a cent unless we feel like it." He said, his eye sockets going dark. Spentz looked temporarily spooked, but quickly replaced it with that annoying salesman façade.

"I admire your concern for your brother, sir" He said calmly "But I only have the best in mind for him." Sans regarded Spentz with a skeptic look "who said anything about us being brothers?"

You successfully kept a straight face while Chief became temporarily confused. "I-I, uh, f-forgive me, sir. I-I meant no offense!" Spentz stuttered, Papyrus didn't even try to hide his smirk and neither did Sans.

"sure." He grinned, his gold tooth glinting in the lighting "you just make sure you _stay_ scared o' me, capiche?" Spentz barely moved his head in a nod which apparently was a good enough agreement for Sans because his eyes reappeared and his threatening smile was replaced with an amused yet equally distrustful grin.

"Okay, now that we've established this Sherlock weaboo is helping us," You said dryly, "What now? We still gotta wait like 5 and a half hours till Papyrus gets discharged."

"FIVE AND A HALF HOURS!?" Papyrus wailed "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, I NEED TO BE OUT THERE SOLVING THIS CASE NOW!" Sensing his opportunity, Spentz stepped forward, "Well, sir, I can always go with the police and supervise the investigation in your place."

"NO." Papyrus answered, to everyone's relief, "N-no?" Spertz repeated, Papyrus shot him a warning glare "S-sorry. 'No', Captain?" Spertz said again. Papyrus nodded "YES, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW PATHETIC YOUR INVESTIGATION SKILLS ARE AND I WOULD PREFER TO MONITOR YOU IN PERSON TO SEE IF YOUR SKILLS ARE IMPRESSIVE ENOUGH TO CALL YOURSELF MY PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR."

"I…see your point, Captain." Spentz said, not even attempting to hide his disappointment. "EXCELLENT!" Papyrus praised "NOW, GO FETCH ME SOME FOOD!" You barely held in a snort at Spentz's priceless reaction. "You…want me to get you some…food?"

"YES, I WOULD LIKE 3 DEATHBURGERS, SOME SNOWZEN YOGURT, AND TEM FLAKES." Papyrus smiled evilly throughout his entire order, and you were 89% sure that the list was completely fake, especially when Sans began grinning wildly.

"I….er….." Spentz looked like he wanted to tell Papyrus off for making him a busboy, but he nodded and exited the room. You supposed that was one way of getting him to leave, yet you still wondered why Papyrus agreed to hire him.

You desperately wanted to shout 'and grab me a soda while you're out!' after Spentz but restrained yourself. "Okay, what _now_?" You asked, "CHIEF!" Sans threw you a frustrated glare "can you not?" He deadpanned. "What, you think I _plan_ this to happen!?" You retorted, throwing your hands in the air.

"Chief!" A police woman with a tablet ran in the room and Chief Cody stood to receive her "What's wrong?" He asked hastily, taking the tablet from her "We got contact from the assassin!" She pressed a few on-screen buttons and Chief went to Papyrus' bedside so he and Sans could see it.

You and the policewoman pressed in next to the Chief to watch the video.

The camera quality made you cringe, everything was blurry and static-y and the camera was shaky like someone tried using an old iPhone while they were on a hangover. Eventually a light was turned on and the camera (finally) focused on a single poster that looked like it was made of garbage dump paper and a giant crayon.

It had a picture of a normal goat with a crown with one of those 'no' symbols slashed over it. You felt your jaw and fists clench, already feeling the urge to punch a jerk. " _Monsterkind are invaders_." Spoke a voice that was painfully autotuned. " _Mankind was living in peace before they reared their ugly heads from the caves of Mt. Ebott_."

There were so many false facts in that one statement it made your head hurt.

" _They steal our children, and will creep into your homes and take your souls while you sleep_." Literally _nothing_ in that sentence was remotely true. " _The only way mankind can be safe again is to force the monsters back to the caves of the Underground!_ "

You felt the simultaneous urge to smack your head on the nearest desk and to find the person speaking and slam _their_ head against a desk. " _Join us, people of Makiisa! Join us in our crusade to rid the world of monsters!_ "

The video cut out and went to black, displaying a red silhouette of a spear impaled in a goat's head with a broken crown on it. " _We…are the Cleansers_."

What is this? A terrorists group or a bleach commercial?

Either way….you knew you were ready to slash someone's face and chew bubblegum. And you were all out of bubblegum.

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 **Note: Thank you, post on Tumblr for giving me the best ending line**

The tumblr post: post/171028432566/fabulousworkinprogress-linoresearch-you-know


	13. Chapter 13 - Haven't Got a Clue

**RandomHuman447: XD I had so much fun writing the sass in the last chapter, I've had like half of those lines planned since the beginning of this fic haha. And we'll see what Mr. P.I. is doing, but I ain't tellin' nuthin ;)**

 **Silversun: I'm so glad you like it! ^w^**

 **Sepricsans15: Fun fact: I thought of the name last minute while brainstorming with a friend, but I actually have a legit reason for them naming themselves the Cleansers in-story XD Granted it'll probably make y'all wanna strangle the Cleansers** **but ah well ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

 **BananaQUEEN13: AHHHH, I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT ^.^And it's totally awesome you do that! TBH I sometimes voice out some of the things in the story as I think or type about 'em XD**

 **AlexXelaAlex: Thank you! I wanted to do a Fell!Sans fic but I also wanted to avoid the awkwardness of the first meet and I wanted to skip straight to married life so this fic happened XD And don't worry, Sansy will come around ;D**

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 **Note: Okay, so I've noticed there's not much floof between Reader and Sansy yet, so I'll be working on that XD**

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"The….. _Cleansers_?" You repeated, feeling both disgusted by their message and annoyed at the sheer stupidity of their name. "Ugh, _these_ jokers." Chief sighed "hold up!" Sans said, anger physically manifesting in his voice "you mean to tell me you _knew_ of these goons and you _didn't_ shut them down?"

You placed your hands on your hips and directed a glare at Chief who raised his hands up in a surrender "We didn't have sufficient evidence to completely shut down their organization!" He defended, Sans aggressively gestured to the tablet "is _this_ enough evidence to shut them down!?"

Chief sighed "Yes, actually this is." Sans huffed loudly and began grumbling in that weird language you heard him speak in the day you two were married. Papyrus shot his brother a look before growling something in the same language.

Deciding to let them have their privacy you turned to the chief "What kind of info do we have on these guys?" You asked, glancing at the tablet. Chief waved away the officer who came in with the tablet before shoving his hands in his pockets.

"We know that most -if not all- the members of this… _organization_ , are from the village which first noticed the monsters coming from Mt. Ebott." He nodded his head towards Sans and Papyrus "When monsters first came out of the mountain the village panicked and thought they were all demons who signified the apocalypse or something."

"Okay, but it's been _two years_ since the monsters came out of the mountain, so why are the Cleansers still active?" You asked, giving Chief a curious look. Chief Cody shrugged and made a vague gesture in the general direction of the police headquarters "I have more information about these guys back at the station. After we get Captain Papyrus released we can head over."

"NO WE WILL NOT WAIT FOR CAPTAIN PAPYRUS TO BE RELEASED!" Papyrus suddenly growled, his mouth full with a cinnamon bunny. "Er…what?" Chief said, confused and slightly concerned about what will happen next. "YOU HEARD ME!" Papyrus swallowed the last of the bunny pastry with a loud gulp and gently tested his limb movement.

"YOU HUMANS HAVE THE _WORST_ HEALING CENTERS I HAVE EVER WITNESSED!" Papyrus grouched, sitting himself up, Sans immediately was by his brother's side, placing a steadying hand on Papyrus' spine "an' that's sayin' something considering the 'hospitals' we had in the underground." Sans added.

Papyrus nodded and began removing the sling that was holding his arm close to his chest. "Papyrus!" You shouted in shock "What are you doing!? That sling's supposed to help you heal!" Papyrus scoffed and tossed the sling to the floor and waved his arms around "HOW IS A SIMPLE PIECE OF CLOTH SUPPOSED TO HEAL ME!?"

"THAT CLOTH IS THE WORST HEALING ITEM I'VE EVER HAD, AND I'VE PULLED BANDAGES OUT OF THE DUMP!" You and chief barely managed to restrain yourselves from tackling Papyrus and putting the sling back on his arm. "Papyrus _please_ just wait for the nurse to come back to release you!" You begged, not wanting to get him in trouble with the hospital staff.

The royal guard simply scoffed "HMMPH, IF THE NURSE NEEDS TO 'RELEASE' ME, IT MEANS THAT I AM A PRISONER OF SOME KIND IN THIS BUILDING." Well…..he's not entirely _wrong_. "AND THAT MEANS I NEED TO DO MY BEST TO ESCAPE THIS PATHETIC PRISON YOU CALL A HEALING CENTER."

Wait, _what_?

"P-Papyrus, this is a _hospital_ not a _jail cell_!" You protested, moving forward to try and hold him down. Papyrus stopped your movements by creating a large bone wall to spring up from the floor, colliding with your body and forcing you to stumble backwards and land on the floor with a loud ' _oomph'_

"C-Captain!" Chief Cody said sternly "There's no need to summon a-a-a _wall_!" He protested, barely resisting from saying the word "attack". "(Y/n)'s just trying to help you!" Papyrus shot both humans a nasty glare "YOU MEAN THE SAME WAY YOU'RE HELPING ME _NOT_ GET KILLED BY KEEPING ME STUCK ON THIS BED WIDE OPEN TO ANY ATTACK THAT MAY COME MY WAY?"

Papyrus was either really paranoid or really smart. You decided you'd pick one once your stomach stopped aching from running straight into the red-glowing bones. "W-we're not keeping you wide open for an attack, Captain!" Chief Cody protested, "J-just sit back down and we-"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Papyrus growled, lifting an arm which Sans grabbed and draped it over his head securely. "I WILL NOT SIT BACK AND ALLOW _MY_ KING AND QUEEN TO BE THREATENED BY SOME PATHETIC, WANNABE TERRORIST GROUP WHO NAMES THEMSELVES AFTER A GROCERY AISLE!"

You suddenly felt guilty. He just witnessed someone threatening -albeit a very crummy and cringe-worthy way of threatening- his king and queen and here you and Chief were telling him to sit down and wait.

Although you weren't granted much time to dwell on your guilt with Papyrus and Sans now on a mission. "Er, C-Captain, what are you doing?" Chief said suspiciously, eyeing the way Sans and Papyrus suddenly grew large, and quite frankly, evil looking grins.

"Sans, Papyrus, no." You deadpanned, not knowing what to expect. "NYEHEHEHEHE, PAPYRUS AND SANS, YES!" Papyrus exclaimed loudly before launching himself straight over yours and Chief Cody's heads and broke straight through the glass window with a loud _CRASH_ scattering glass shards all over the room.

You let out a scream of surprise and duck as Papyrus goes flying in the air and ends up sailing through the sky before landing smoothly on the ground outside. "WHAT THE HECK!?" You and Chief screamed, rushing to the window to see if Papyrus had landed safely outside.

"NYEHEHEHEHEHE! NO MEASLEY HEALING FACILITY SHALL HOLD THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!"

There's no wind, how's his scarf-cape thing waving!?

"PAPYRUS!" You shouted, cupping your hands "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" Papyrus simply grinned widely and looked up at the 3rd story window he just vaulted out of "I'M MUCH BETTER NOW THAT I AM FREE OF YOUR PATHETIC HEALERS' GRASP!"

"He's gonna hurt himself!" Chief exclaimed, backing up and running out of the room at full speed. Behind you Sans gave a loud laugh "why so tense, dollface?" He grinned, "boss is fine!" You looked back in horror at Sans " _Fine_!?" You echoed loudly "He just _yeeted_ himself out of a _third story window_ and you're saying it's _fine_!?"

Sans shrugged nonchalantly, "eh, he does this all the time." You looked back in horror at Papyrus in the ground who was "Nyeh"ing loudly and proudly then back to Sans who had suddenly disappeared "Sans!?" You called out, rushing back inside the room, looking for where he could have gone.

"yo! down here!" Sans' voice came from the window and you briefly feared he also jumped out the window when you remembered he could teleport. Growling out a sound of frustration you stomped your way back to the window and peered outside to see Sans standing casually next to Papyrus as if they had just been out on a leisurely stroll.

Sans grinned widely and gave you a two fingered salute. You briefly considered jumping out the window and seeing if the two would panic and remember to catch you, but you decided that just because you had an Ahsoka Tano headpiece that you should not Ahsoka Tano jump out of the window…..no matter how cool that sounded in your head.

"Jerk!" You shouted down at Sans, throwing him a glare and sticking your tongue out at him. Sans' grinned widened and bowed mockingly "wow, such a compliment coming from the queen o' jerks herself!" He shot back.

" _Goddess_ of jerks, you sorry excuse for a Fall Out Bone souvenir!" You fired back "What was that!?" A nurse cried, running into the room followed by a security guard. "What? 'Sorry excuse for a Fall Out Bone souvenir'?" You said, completely missing the fact they were talking about the window. "Oh, see it's cuz Sans is all edgy and acted all punk-emo when we first met so I took to calling him after the band Fall Out-"

"No!" The nurse cried, interrupting you "This!" She motioned to the window frantically "Oh, right." Your face flushed with embarrassment. "Papyrus jumped out of the window cuz he thought that the discharging process was taking too long." The nurse and security stared at you with wide, horrified eyes.

"He _what_!?" They exclaimed in unison, "Yeah, it really does sound bad the first time you hear it, doesn't it...?" You said in a surprisingly calm manner. You were either so stressed about what just happened you couldn't function, or you were just so Done™ that if you woke up next morning and you found yourself in an alternate universe, you would honestly _not_ be surprised…

"Security, we've got a runner, skeleton monster on the front lawn with an arm and leg cast. Seems to be hanging out with another skeleton monster in….winter? jacket and a collar." The guard reported into his walkie talkie.

Your eyes widened and suddenly realized that the skelebros would most likely end up with a less-than-flattering criminal record if they got caught. You knew that thanks to Papyrus Jedi-jump powers and Sans' ability to teleport that it would be unlikely, but you decided to be on the safe side and slipped out behind the guard, rushing to your car to swing by the front and pick them up.

As you arrived in your car and began adjusting everything, you felt a cold, lanky hand grasp your shoulder.

Screaming bloody murder, you whipped your arm around in a backfist strike and undid your seat belt so you could throw a possibly useless but definitely satisfying punch to whom the frik frak thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into your car.

"CALM DOWN, HUMAN!" Papyrus' loud and commanding voice as he effortlessly blocked your first strike and caught your punch. "hehe, no need to get all riled up on our account, dollface."

You felt rage burn in your veins "YOU ABSOLUTE JERKS!" You growled, giving them your fiercest glare to which they showed no reaction. "The heck made you think it was _perfectly_ fine to just show up in my car like some kinda _jump scare from a horror movie_!?"

The brothers exchanged a terrifying grin before looking back at you "wellll, technically speaking, doll-" Sans began with a shrug "WE _ARE_ SKELETONS WHICH ARE TECHNICALLY A HORROR MOVIE IN HUMAN TERMS."

These smug little punks! You had half a mind to leave them to the security now, but you simply let out a loud groan and facepalmed on the steering wheel. "I suppose you want me to take you to the crime scene?"

"DUH!" Was Papyrus' only answer, you threw him an annoyed huff before fixing anything that got moved around from your three second fight and fired up the car as you began dialing a number on your phone.

"uh, who ya callin'?" Sans questioned, his voice taking a warning tone to it "Chillax, bone boy," You said curtly "I'm just calling the Chief and telling him that we're heading to the crime scene and to meet us there that way he doesn't freak out when he finds out you guys up and left the area."

Once you all made your way to the crime scene, Sans and Papyrus launched themselves out of the vehicle and strode up to the two cop cars still stationed at the scene. "GREETINGS, PEASANTS!" Papyrus shouted as he casually strolled up to them with one arm in a cast and limping due to the awkward cast around his foot.

If you still weren't fed up with him after pulling that stunt in the hospital, you'd think that this was a pretty humorous situation to be in.

Sighing and shaking your head, you turned off the car and got out, locking it as you followed them. "Sir, this is a private investigation. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." One of the cops said, coming up to Papyrus and holding out her hand to stop him.

"YOUR DEDICATION TO YOUR JOB IS ADMIRABLE, HUMAN, BUT I AM THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD! I HAVE JURISDICTION TO BE HERE BECAUSE THE TERRORISTS WHO ATTACKED ME MADE A DIRECT THREAT TO _MY_ KING AND QUEEN." Papyrus moved to walk past the cop and investigate the crime scene but she grabbed Papyrus' arm and stopped him.

"Sir, if that story is true, then I'm going to need to see some sort of official identification." She sad sternly, looking Papyrus in the eyes and not wavering in the least. Papyrus suddenly looked as if he would run her through on the spot. Ho boy, time to play mediator.

Running ahead you jumped in between the two and held them at arm's length. "Hold on!" You shouted, staring the cop woman down then Papyrus. You knew it wasn't a good idea to get in between a cop and her job and a royal guard and his job, but as co-head of Monster and Human Relations, this was probably a required thing to do.

"OUT OF MY WAY, HUMAN!" Papyrus hissed, this time referring to you "THIS IMPOSTER NEEDS TO BE PUT IN HER PLACE!" Papyrus made no move to attack and you suspected that stemmed from the monster-hostilities that were running wild since he and the others had come from the mountain.

"Excuse you!?" The cop shouted, her eyes flaring with anger "I am an officer of the law, and you are attempting to obstruct justice, sir. This is your warning!" Before Papyrus could shoot something back, you shushed them both by screeching loudly until they both stared at you in concern.

"Now that I have your attention" You said calmly, acting as if you didn't suddenly turn into the Grinch in that yoga vine, "Let me clarify a few things." You turned to the cop woman "Ma'am, this is Papyrus Gaster. He's the Captain of the Royal Guard for the monsters. He doesn't have an ID on him because he's one of the only skeleton monsters in the Underground and it's pretty obvious which one's the royal guard and which one's the skeletal-incarnate of Shrek."

"hey!"

"OH PLEASE, BROTHER, SHE HAS A POINT!"

"Moving on!" You interrupted with a light glare "Ma'am, I know this is really unorthodox but these men really _do_ have jurisdiction to be here. Have you seen the latest video sent in by the organization who tried to kill Papyrus?"

The woman shook her head. "Well, in the video, they directly threatened King and Queen Dreemurr, which gives Papyrus, as head of the Royal Guard, full jurisdiction to take leading point in this investigation."

Both Papyrus and the policewoman eyed you critically "Is this true?" They asked you in unison. Ho boy, let's hope those semi-truth skills you have from your days in Parliament hadn't rusted over. Slowly you nodded your head "Yes, the Makiisan police have jurisdiction over this case because there was an attempt on Papyrus' life here, but with the extra evidence which was revealed less than an hour ago, Papyrus and the Dreemurr's royal guard also have jurisdiction because the organization who tried to kill Papyrus made a direct threat against the king and queen."

Papyrus gave you a semi-impressed look, as did the policewoman. "Huh, alright then." The cop said slowly, eyeing Papyrus one last time. "Names Captain Dulla" She said with a quick nod, holding her hand out to Papyrus "Apologies for the rough introductions, Captain. Hope we can get along with this investigation." Papyrus eyed her hand suspiciously, half expecting Sans to teleport in at the right time and buzz him with that stupid hand buzzer.

"YES, PLEASURE TO WORK WITH YOU, AND ALL THAT." Papyrus said curtly, shaking her hand firmly. The two nodded at each other one last time before Captain Dulla nodded for Papyrus to follow her and she began explaining things they've already uncovered to him.

As they moved along you let out a long, shaky breath. That was a little harder than you expected, but you were pleased with the results. Hopefully the two would be able to work together and no one would come in and wreck your previous logic…

"hey." Sans voice startled you out of your thoughts. You turned around to see Sans sidling up beside you "thanks fer stickin' out for my bro." He said tightly, as if he was reluctant to admit it to you but at the same time was very grateful.

"Y-yeah…." You lamely responded. "No problem." You both stood in awkward silence for a brief moment before you both had a sudden realization.

This was the first time either of you were genuinely talking and hadn't thrown an insult or some sort of jab each other's way. Slowly you both looked at each other in slight horror before shuddering. "i'm gonna go help my bro!" Sans said quickly, speeding forward.

"Y-yeah, I will just, uh, wait for Chief here, yeah." You mentally smacked yourself. Uuuggghhh, that was totally lame. True to your word, you stuck around the edge of the perimeter, keeping an extra eye out for the chief and Sans followed Papyrus around, offering jokes and puns with the occasional helpful input.

It took about ten minutes, but eventually the Chief showed up and you waved a hand at him. Chief nodded a hello to you before running up to you, allowing you to fill him in. And not a moment too soon it seemed.

Not even a minute on the seen and someone was screaming bloody murder. Everyone within hearing range tensed before rushing off in the direction of the scream. "SOMEBODY HELP GET THIS CRAZY ANIMAL OFF ME! SHE'S A DEMON! A DEMON!"

* * *

 **Thank you to everyone who's reading this fic ^.^ I really appreciate it!**

 **Also, y'all can come bug me on my tumblrs! (no spaces)**

 **(Imagines blog - ihaveanimagine. tumblr .com)**

 **(Main blog - ihavearandom. tumblr .com)**


	14. Rewriting in Progress (Sorry!)

MTAES Rewrite Notice

Hey, everyone! I just want to let you all know that I haven't abandoned this story, I have every intention to finish this story with Reader and Sans finally enjoying married life together but unfortunately, for that to happen, I need to start over.

When I got inspiration to pick up where I left off in Chapter 13, I went back and reread everything and good _lord_ there are _so_ many errors in this fic! (The one that sticks out to me most is the choppy transitions between locations/scenes/events an some of the snappy dialogue, most notably the "Are you deaf?" line in chapter 2 or 3, which I'm so sorry to have written that)

I'll still be using the same plot line of Sans and Reader get into a political marriage to prevent another human and monster war while at the same time battling off the Cleansers group who thinks they're doing good stuff.

But hopefully, in the rewrite I'll be able to make the plot flow more smoothly.

I don't plan on deleting this story but I need to write at least 3-5 chapters of the rewrite before I start posting again.

For now, the stuff that takes priority is the Mobfell Sans/Thief!Reader fic and another request I've had since last year which I'm excited to work on. Once those two are done I'll start updating this fic but until then, thanks for sticking with me for so long and I hope to get back on track ASAP.

(That is if college will let me breathe for more than two seconds .)


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